I read a survey result somewhere sometimes a go (pardon my vague clue, I am just not good in remembering reference), that most of organizational grievance rooted in delicate thing so called communication. It’s non technical, it’s soft skill, it’s something that can be developed and yet it does not always work.

It takes (at least) two parties to communicate (otherwise it would be monologue). Both parties’ communication skills can be developed and trained, many tools and technique can be used, and yet we still see many companies failed or at least, struggle to get it right. Why?

Well, each party usually have different objective. If we are talking about employee and management relations, clearly they are two different objectives. Whenever there’s a negotiation, the aim is always to bring these two different objectives closer. We are in the same boat anyway. Management can not run the company without the employee and employee will not get income if the company does not make profit. As simple as that in theory. In reality? In some big companies, event like the preparation of Company Policy or Working Agreement can take months. Some companies ’shipped’ their Human Resources Professionals, Management Representatives and Employee Representatives to some place else outside the office to sit and negotiate. Sequestered to be precised.

A colleague of mine told me that usually the Representatives sent by the Employee are those who can communicate properly or to be precised…diplomatically. Those who are hot headed or passive agressive type usually will not be chosen. That’s good news. It means that both parties have willingness to have a win win negotiation. Willing to listen, argue and yet keep the discussion going until it resulted into a conclusion. There is no bigger failure in a discussion other than dead lock.

What about in personal relationship?

Well, if there are only two people to communicate and if they are family who grew up together and knew each other for almost all of their life, it should be easier, right? No. I heard stories about son who does not speak to his father, mother who condemned her daughter in public, a marriage councellor who got divorce…so what caused all this?

Communication break down.

Back to my training about the Myers Type Preferences, the different character of people and the way they interact with each other usually is the one who triggered communication break down. And when I look into my self, I see the evidence everywhere.

My Mom and I are constantly in argument simply because she’s a feeler and I am a thinker. Some of my thoughts are considered cold, calculative and too rational for her. According to her judgement, I have no emotion. I see things in black and white. I do not have feelings. According to me, she is too emotional. Never in the middle. Either very happy or very upset. Pay attention too much on details or to other’s feelings. I am a strong believer that you are responsible to how you feel. She is a strong believer that you can not control how you feel towards something. It’s heart, heart and heart. Whereas to me, no, it’s brain, brain, brain. Feelings is something resulted from thinking. I think therefore I feel. No wonder that we are in constant argument. But that’s fine, as long as it was civilized argument and resulted in a conclusion, it’s a flowing discussion. And a flowing discussion is a good discussion. If this is keep on happening, I don’t think that I ever will in a situation where I don’t speak with my Mom.

A good communication always happened when all parties involved is still interested to speak and listen to each other with open mind. Trust each other that you are communicating to find the best conclusion for all parties involved.

But what if the other party does not trust you? Think that everything you said was a lie, bullsh*tt and theory. All jargons and not fact. To be honest, I don’t know. Trust must be gain and not given. And there must have been a problem even deeper than communication if the parties that are suppose to be communicating are not communicating properly because of lack of trust.

Trust came from experience. If you have been constantly lied to, or being shown to that the person who talk to you contantly does not walk his talk…it was difficult to gain trust. And without trust, I believe it will be very difficult to have an honest & constructive communication.

But what if the spoke person is actually trustworthy but the other party was already cloud by judgement? I believe it will be very frustrating for the spoke person to gain trust. He can do whatever he can to show that he is committed but if the other party’s paradigm is already set, this will also lead to a dead lock.

Open your mind. Don’t be too suspicious. There are people who meant what they say and sincere. Be positive. Be supportive. Wouldn’t life be easier that way? Personally yes. Professionally, it will make the process of choosing a negotiator is very crucial and critical. You need to choose somebody with integrity. Somebody that the other party would trust.

What will you do if you are in a situation where the trust is low and the communication don’t work.

In a company where you found that the level of trust is very low, you can either quit your job or put your head in a sand. Pretend that you see nothing, hear nothing and speak nothing. Passive agressive or apathy. That’s usually the beginning of organization problem. Enron was the classic case. And now to gain trust from the stake holders towards the Corporates, US Government is very strict about transparancy. FCPA (Foreign Corruption Practise Act). Auditors swarming around like mad to ensure transparancy. Transparancy leads to honesty. Honesty leads to trust. Trust leads to constructive communication. Good communication leads to productivity because then people will not have to waste their energy in entertaining rumours and office politics.

What about in personal relationship?

You can either walk away - if you are married you can get divorce if it is permitted by your religion, if you are a child you can move out of your parents house (Indonesian proverb said that keluarga kalau jauh bau wangi kalau dekat bau tai - relatives if living far away will smell wonderfully, if living closely will smell sh*tt or you can simply limit your interaction with that annoying relatives/friends.

You can also put your head in a sand. Being ignorant and pretend that nothing happened. But by doing this, you were simply swept the dust under the rug. You are sitting in a time bomb. If you are married - usually this will lead into an affair.

Human are social creature. The failure of unable to communicate with the loved one, will not diminish the need to communicate. And usually an affair started innocently. It started from a chat over a coffee followed by emotional bond. An affair does not always mean sleeping together or making dates behind spouse’s back. If you are emotionally tied so somebody else other than your spouse, to me, it’s already an affair. And at this time you should have seen red flag everywhere. You are heading into a marriage disaster. And with or without divorce, if you have children already, they will always be the innocent victims of your communication failure. Would you prefer that over trying to fix your trust and restore communication with your spouse?

How’s that for today fruit for thought?

…I believe it is the most difficult job if you want to do it accurately. Naturally there’s always battle on how you view your self vs how others viewed you. Being a painfully practical and insensitive person (that’s how I viewed my self, at least) I took a course where we suppose to develop an intuition in guessing people character. The final test was guessing the other participants character and confirm it with them whether they think our guess is close to how they think they are. You’ll be amazed at the difference on what you think about a person and how that particular person viewed them selves. It is quite expected though as we’ve met for only few days but that’s the course is all about, how you made a snapshot on one character and came close to the real one. In the recruitment world, you don’t have time to socialize with the candidate, mind you!

Anyway, the reason why I suddenly recall this course was a colleague and also a dear friend of mine (read: a person who spend her time with me for at least 40 hours a week - working hours permitted by the government in a week) said to me today, “It must feel good to be you, you are so plain, you never angry, you never panic, you never worry…just plain, plain, plain and plain!” I laughed my head off, secretely amused on how could she think I am plain. The truth is, of course I am not! I am a human being after all. Of course there were times when I really angry, I was so angry I threw my fist to the window and crushed it - my hand was bleeding so badly I had to be taken to the hospital to get it stitched (yup, that’s me, surprise?), there was time when I was panic when I suddenly found my self unable to breath and must grasp something to stay standing and there were many times when I worried, I worried so sickly my stomach churned and I felt as if my heart stop beating. But the truth is, I seldom feel that way. It will take a lot of things to bring me up to that level and I guess that’s why I was viewed as a plain person. Always happy and smiling, never carried grudge and seemed to have thousand of excuses to forgive someone. But am I really? (or in your case, are you?) Of course I am not. But I think what differentiate me with that dear friend of mine is I am a strong believer that you can control how you feel towards something. I fully believed that you hold full control of your own emotions. And believe me, when you have Lupus, you won’t have time to steam up negative emotions as stress is one of the thing that triggered inflamatation most. I learned the secret of it when I was 17. I learned it hard and quick.

I’ve learned that once you let something upset you, your lungs close down. First you’d feel difficult to breath. Second, your legs and arms are numbed. And third, your face turn blue and somebody will need to put oxygen mask on you. Not nice, eh?

I had 2 options, let my feelings get the better of me or train my self to choose how I felt towards something. For the sake of my own health, I chosed the later. And it works!

The implementation is close to this: a jerk said something awful about you. Take a deep breath, look him (or her) in the eye and vowed silently that you won’t let it ruin your day. It is he (or she) who has problem so hear what he (or she) said, scan for some self assesment (just in case there are some truth in it - you must not be THAT thick either and have perfect illusion about your self) and if it is not, put it in your delete folder. You can’t control somebody not to be a jerk but you can control your response to it. By doing that you are not only saved your self from having a bad day but also teach that jerk a lesson that you can’t be provoked to go down to his (or her) level. Easy, right?

The result is astonishing. Once I accepted the fact that there are many unpleasant things would happen to me and stop questioning why it should happen to me (and not to somebody else), life seemed a bit lighter in that respect. My Lupus even went into remission for years when I came to acceptance that I may die any minute because of it just like everybody else who is breathing, am I not correct?. So, why should we overly worried about something that will happen anyway? Why should we question somebody else’s action (as a matter of fact I still do sometimes, however, out of curiosity of the motivation rather than feeling hurt) if we can ‘taylor’ our response?

Now back to my friend and the way she judged me, I am sure if she spend her time with me 24/7 365 days a year she would see that other side of me. It is impossible to be happy all the time but when you optimise the ability of creating your own happiness, you’ll be surprise how fun this life actually is.

One of the fun I have been having consist of trying to understand other’s character by listening to what they said and see things that they do, comprehend the reason of their action, see the facts, check it with what they said, contemplating whether the character in the surface match the fact finding and if not what is the real motives beneath it then hopefully I will be able to understand their values as motivation driven by values and values is what you really are.

Am I being painfully analytical again? I guess I need a cup of warm milk to put my mind to rest…

 Please provide knives so your guest can slice the sections into individual own needs…

 Ingredients 

1. The sauce of weak leadership

• Mix a large bowl of indecisiveness with 2-3 tablespoons of personal interest. The best brand of personal interest is the famous WIFM (What’s In It For Me) ketchup available in every heart store in the deepest corner. It contained: big bonus, more perks, promotion and political acceptance. Warning: too many WIFM sauce will cause lost of conscience and could lead to stony heart.
• When the sauce change its color, add a little bit of easily bruised ego and withdraw sympathy (if any).

2. 500 grams of good people who do nothing

• Place 500 grams of good people who see no evil, speak no evil and hear no evil in a plate. Saturate them with the fear of unemployment mixed with golden handcuffs program namely long term loan and retention program.
• When you see the critical mind set dissappear, load them with jargons until they are properly brainwashed and ready to be cooked. Remember, things happened because good people do nothing. Repeat this over and over until it became the mantra of your life.

3. 1/2 ounce of discretion

• Select 1/2 ounce of discretion and passed them among the most demanding and not necessarily the best seeds. Don’t forget to by pass several lines to create optimum result.
• Leave it for a while in an open space and heat up room temperature.
• No need to do anything with the quiet seeds until it looks as if they are going to change their nature. Just keep it in the pantry corner within their lines.

4. Serving

• Put discretion on top of 500 grams of good people who do nothing and decorate it with secrecy.
• Moisten with souce of weak leadership on top of it.
• Sprinkle with tension and some corporate bullies.
• Serve it whilst it hot. Shred whatever left to avoid auditor.

Per serving: 720 headaches, 562 ulcers, 382 nervous breakdown and 10 manic depressive.

 Nutritional breakdown: greed, megalomaniac and ignorance.

Reference List:

- Enron

- Arthur Andersen

Just like in the film making….camera rolling and….action!

It usually starts with a friend of mine (who usually a girl) start pouring her heart out. During this holly moment I felt obliged to make several polite gesture such as nodding, frowning, followed by several ‘a-ha’, ‘ouch’ or ‘oh dear’ and look attentive whilst patiently waiting for her to finish talking. When she is finished (or at least I though she was whereas probably she only paused for a breath) I started throwing ideas to solve her problems. If I had a paper and pencil with me, I even will scribble some note mapping her problem, pointing arrows to several options, analyzing it before jotting down some ideas and make action plan. I thought my action plan would help her.

This probably a big mistake due to following reason: 1) she does not seem to listened to a word I said and 2) she said that I don’t understand her situation. Huh? Where did I do wrong? I tried to accept this feedback positively and offer some alternatives action including citing some experts’ theories. But from the way she wrinkled her nose and murderous eye contact I knew that it was not right either so I finally asked her to tell me why she does not think my action plan (supported by some precedence and valid sample) will work in her situation. She then told me that talk is cheap. It won’t work in her situation because it is different. Just because my friend A had the same identical problem it does not mean that I could use what was best for this A person to her (I seemed to have lots of problematic friends). I told her that although this is true (I agreed - everybody is different like everybody else) but there got to be some similarities that we could learn from other’s situation. She then furiously added that it was easy for me to advise because I was not the one that had to go through this misery (what she means by misery usually ranged from series of having a crush to the wrong person to having her favorite cup in the office used by someone else. On another time, it was when her e-mail was not replied by a colleague). This confuse me even more so again I asked her another stupid question which if she thinks I can’t understand her situation and therefore completely useless to help her, why did she even bother to ramble for more than 20 minutes to me and did not appreciate my action plan. She then told me that she just want to be listened. But hey, isn’t a good listener must be able to provide some solution? Apparently not. I am completely lost.

Having met few more friends with similar behavior made me start to realize that sometimes people only need couple of ears where they could spit things out. Acceptance would come later as I still need to comprehend why people want to talk about problems without wanting to explore solution and taking action to solve it. The answer comes hard and cold, because solution means action. And action means risk as one may need to venture out of one’s comfort zone. Action means taking some responsibility in doing something and make sure it works. Easy? Apparently not if it is not involving something you desired.

Let me give you an example. A friend of mine involved her self with a married man. My friend is single, pretty, educated, wealthy and her married boy friend is everything that she is not. She’d been in this affair for quite sometimes in which from time to time she called me for advice (or at least that’s what I think) to ramble how difficult her life is. What she meant by difficult ranged from finding a suitable place for both of them to have dinner together without bumping to someone they knew to how to deal with the guilt creeping inside her. My advice is very simple, dump him. He’s not worth it. Sooner or later the wife will find out. Will she be willing to loose everything when the time comes? Will she be willing to be seen as ‘the kept woman’? But did she hear me? No. She kept on seeing this guy and I failed to understand how come my sweet, sensible friend can be so stupid. Being a wife my self, I felt a pang of anger on how light it seems for her to get involve with someone else’s husband. But she is my friend anyway and who am I to judge? So I lurked around, make my self available for her ramble, still hoping that I could drill some senses into her and get her into action.

Finally the nightmare arrived. His wife found out. Called and threatened her to leave her husband. My friend went cold and I really had to bite my tongue and restrain my self for saying, “I told you so”. She waited too long so someone else finally take action in the situation.

It took quite a while for me to realize the reason behind her reluctance for something that I thought was easy and obvious. The reason why it was so difficult for her to accept my advice was because she was afraid to take this as her responsibility. She loved him so much she kept on hoping that there will be a way out without she initiates it. She did not want to start the difficult conversation. She even hoped that he was the one who left her so in ending this affairs, she won’t have to be the one that hurts other’s feeling. Isn’t that crazy? I almost snorted hearing this, why would this man leave her? The situation seems too perfect for him. On the other side, the situation is nothing but a nightmare to her. Why didn’t she take action? Was he really THAT nice? She said yes. She said that she has never met a man as nice as this person. He made her feel comfortable with her self. She felt looked after and taken care of. She was afraid that if she broke up with him, she won’t find someone else with kindness close to his kindness. But isn’t life is about choosing what is right? And not what is easy? Wouldn’t be better if she was the one who told him that it’s over rather than having his wife telling her it’s over? She kept quiet and I did not pursue this subject anymore.

I personally found it hard to believe to see the numbers of people who shoved their problem under the rug and expect it to disappear. Life does not work that way. It’s either you took full responsibility on your life, or you will let someone else dictate it for you. Which one that you choose?

In such case, when I finally understand that what my (girl) friends need is actually only for me to listen and not to give solution then I stopped offering solution. I lend them my ears instead. At least that’s my action plan for a while.

For those of you who live and breathe in the Eastern society may notice that as you grow (older) more and more people seems to think that they have granted right to ask you lots of weird questions in a tone that could make a professional interrogator shuddered.

Generally it started when you are twenty and in the university. People (especially the elder relatives) tend to throw weird questions such as, ”When are you going to graduate.” If you are a non-ambitious second class student like me who would settle for B (or C) as long as you could graduate fast enough before anyone could say, “Oy!” this question would never bother you. You could easily say, “Oh I still have 20 credits to go, Uncle, I think I’ll graduate by next year.” And the fact is, people rarely ask about your index point. They just want to know when are you going to stop bothering your parents with huge college bills and when can they stop giving you ang pau in Idul Fitri (general rule of thumb is you are entitled for pocket money on Idul Fitri from your elder relatives until you earned your own salary. That’s when the table turn and you are obliged to give your younger relatives pocket money commonly known as ang pau). Index point? What is that? Never bother them and being one of the fastest student that graduate in my class, I happily passed this first common weird question that usually bother my fellow straight A student.

The second weird questions usually thrown when you are twenty something and still have your freedom (read : no boyfriend and girlfriend). First the question will be asked politely during family function. A distance relative wedding is the worst – most dangerous event ever. It started with, “Are you coming alone tonight?” and your answer that you came with your parents or siblings does not seem to satisfy them. They will tsk tsked at you for a while, looked pity on you however, don’t get clouded with this false sympathy as this happened only before they bombarded you with advise how one should not be too choosy in picking up partner. And oh, if you are a woman, it’ll be worst. Trust me. Lucky me, who had been having steady boy friend since Junior High, this question was also never bothers me.

The third weird questions usually explode when you are twenty something (late twenty will be the worst age group. You’ll be in death row if you are in your early thirty) and have steady boyfriend and girlfriend that you have introduced to your nosey relatives couple of times before. Again, wedding party is one of the most intimidating occasion when your relatives (or your boyfriend or girlfriend’s relatives) look at you with glittering eyes and ask you, “When?”. Making your eyes look as innocent as possible and a lame reply, “When what?” will not save you. Trust me. Pretend to be light hearted and reply with, “May. Maybe yes, Maybe no.” will not save you either. They will hear only the first part and rumors start to spread that you will get married on May and you will realize it when this news reach your parents and they came to you with anger of preparing a wedding without letting them know.

Am I still able to hold my fortunate situation up to this point? If you checked the 3rd paragraph you will see that I will have no chance to escape from this 3rd question. You are right. I got this weird question a lot. Bummer.

I don’t know why elder relatives seem to think that they have a right to ask such a personal question. And it’s not like they are going to pay for our wedding or make sure that we are emotionally ready to tie the knot, that’s for sure. They just love asking questions and seeing us looking uncomfortable does not seem to bother them.

And when we do decide to get married do you think the question has stopped? No, that was just a beginning. It reminds me of school examination when you opened the paper and you thought happily that, “Ah, there are only 5 questions.” But when you really look into it, it’s not only 5 questions really. Question no. 1 for example, it has 1a, 1b and 1c. And so does question no 2. So altogether there are actually 15 – 20 questions hidden neatly in the first simple question. Same with life.

It started with an innocent, “When are you going to get married?” and when you are married, “When are you going to have kid?” will follow. And if you think that they will stop asking question when your first born arrived, think again. The next question will be, “When are you going to give him (or her) siblings?”. It drives me nuts.

However, when I was able to put aside my thought to kick them spiraling across the room and think about it carefully, actually the questioner does not really want to hear your answer. They actually thought that they are being polite and in good manner by showing their concern to you. Weird, eh? I guess that’s what Eastern culture is. Everything is centered to family life and people is trying to show that they care to their younger relatives by asking lots of questions to the younger relatives. Questions whose answer will be forgotten soon before anyone could say, “Oy!”. Trust me. I met a relatives who asked me three times when am I going to give my son a little sibling before I realize that he really didn’t remember that he has asked me that question and had heard the same answers three times before. Even better, I witnessed him asking the same question to my cousin who (in my delight) look as annoyed as I was. So how to get rid this killing instinct whenever I hear such personal question? I tried to turn the table by asking them back personal (and according to my standard – is ill mannered) questions and it was easy. When a Sister in Law of mine asked me about, “How big is your house? How many rooms?” I gave her a blabbering answer and ask her back, “And how about your house? How big it is?” followed by detailed questions about the design, colors of curtain, cleaning techniques and I found it amazing that she actually enjoying answer those questions. She really thinks that I am being sweet and actually interested to hear about the way she lives. Weird, huh? Well, as long as it keeps me away from those probing interrogating style questions, I am ok with it. And being seen as sweet and caring relatives is an additional unexpected bonus. Phiew!

Having worked in multi national environment for the past 9 years has made me use to stereotypes. American adored freedom of thinking, British are adventurous, Dutch are humanist (by letting gay get married and legalized pots), Singaporean are hard worker and Indonesian are friendly people. These are positive stereotypes. On the other hand, there are also a set of negative stereotypes such as American are loud mouthed, British are rigid, Dutch are cheap, Singaporean are rude and Indonesian are corrupt. This list of negative stereotypes can go on and on and on.

However, being a dedicated human behavior observer I noted that beneath the surface, human actually are the same everywhere. I’ve met Indonesian who are loud mouthed (especially those who came from Northern Sumatra or East Java) and I’ve met American who are gentle and softly spoken. I’ve met a very polite Singaporean and I’ve met a very generous Dutchman. These are okay and in general people understood it. Stereotype is generated so people could have a vague idea towards a complete new subject. However, one should not make judgment nor decision based on stereotype. Why? Because every human is a unique individual and everybody is different, just like everybody else.

I think what irritated me most is when people started generalizing or judging others based on stereotype. And this is not only towards my fellow expatriate but also to my fellow Indonesian. I used to hear that expatriates are greedy and selfish. Indonesia is not their motherland and therefore this foreign management is trying to take whatever then can. And who let them do that? Hello??? I am aware that some foreign management maybe deliberately do that but to say (let say) that these American is so greedy, they can’t never get enough I think shows the speaker ignorance. Because the truth is, I knew some American who genuinely trying to help us with no string attached. From one human to another. Regardless the fact that one skin is brown and the other is white.

On the other hand, I also got the impression from some of the expatriates that in general Indonesian has no respects towards time, indiscipline and tend not to tell the truth. Hmmm…all I could say that I’ve seen people trying to take things that they are not suppose to take, made false reason not to go to the office and believe me, they were not limited to skin color or nationality or the balance of your check book. It is done by the rich, by the poor and by the middle class. Human behavior is human behavior. Power tends to corrupt. And therefore a balance between control and empowerment is very important. It is another ignorance to say because you are poor(er) therefore you are entitled to take more. Believe me, rich and poor are also very subjective word. Enough is a very subjective word. Enough about grammar!!

Culture is another thing. Many stereotypes made based on culture generalization. And for this, below is the quote that I think represent the difference between East and West:

Westerner are children of Plato, they are always seeking for the truth
Easterner are children of Confusius, they are always seeking to live in harmony

In another word, being a Westerner, you won’t be shy to present the truth. You would argue fierce fully for something that you believe is right even though that would mean that you are going to ruffle some feathers. The truth is so important because the truth provides clarity. Is that so? In majority, maybe yes. But reading the newspaper headlines about the debate within the Bush Government has really made me questioned the real meaning quote. What will happen if this is happen in Indonesia or is Politicians are the same everywhere? This is another generalization.

On the other hand, Easterner is very conscious in maintaining harmony by making consensus decision. Making a group decision rather than individual decisions tends to be more favored for the sake of harmony. My late Father has a very delicate phrase. He used to say, “It is not what you say but it is how you say it. It is how you pull out a hair through flour. You should be able to do it without leaving a mark behind.” That’s his famous advise, usually after I argue fierce fully towards the eldest. Being a city girl for my entire life, I snorted at this advise. However, now that I am a grown up and therefore society demands me to ‘behave better’, I appreciate and treasured his advise even more.

Therefore, to my frustrated fellow expatriate I used to say that their Indonesian staff did not mean to hide something from them or not telling them truth. And silence does not mean agreement. And that they should appreciate the difficulties for their Indonesian colleague to say directly that your plan sucks (let alone saying it in English) as they don’t want to hurt your feeling. On the other hand I used to encourage my fellow Indonesian to be more direct and open with their western colleagues. It is not a matter of being impolite, although you still should put it nicely, but it is a matter of being clear and speak your concern if you have any. They will appreciate it.

My point is, stereotyping is good as beginning. It gives you a point to start a communication with other people. However, negative stereotype is bad. As it will hinder you from other people good quality.

It started on one of those days when I met a very rude person in a meeting. And what I mean by rude was very rude. Completely ignoring that other person in the room may have feeling this j*ck *ss constantly rambling about what he thinks should have been done, could have been done and would have been done if he was in charge. Guess what, he was not in charge. Thank God.

This show of arrogance happened for several minutes until one of my colleague activated the recording machine and voila! Suddenly his parade of anger diminished. Followed by a more civilized behavior. Since everything was recorded by a machine (not only by human memory) suddenly he felt that he must (and he could) watch his language. Apparently in his perception things are different if somehow what you said can be re-played. It somehow necessary when it could became solid evidence of his pathetic behavior.

At first I sneered at this sudden change. This person was an egomaniac and selfish person. Care only for what was important for him self. When he was in danger of putting him self in legal problem, he demonstrate an ability to restrain him self for behaving badly. When he was not, he was his true self. At least that was my first assessment.

But when I looked at my self and my son’s innocent eyes, I realized that I was no different than this character. How many times that I restrained my self not to say few things in front of him with the fear that he would repeat it later? Too many. My 3 ½ years old son is the best recording machine in the world. He absorb everything you say and everything you do like a sponge. There’s a fear in me that he would follow my not-so-good behavior and demonstrated it someplace else and people would say, “Didn’t his parents teach him to behave?”.

Right. Now I have become one of those hypocrite parents where ‘I could do that but you can’t do that’ kind of parents, which I hate. I am a strong believer of teaching by giving example but as an adult (now I have to admit that I am starting justifying my self now) I sometimes felt the need to say some bad word. Now I really have to be careful and be creative in expressing my anger.

As difficult as it seems, restraining my self is not that difficult compared to having to explain other’s inappropriate behavior. One day he saw a woman with veil run on jammed street, banged on the window of a taxi, shouted to the taxi driver and made him pulled over. My son was so intrigued with that scene and kept on asking why that auntie was so upset.

To be honest, I didn’t know what happened. The taxi driver could have had bumped that woman’s car and scratch it, who knows what might happen in Jakarta busy street and how people would react? But he was so occupied with this scene and kept on saying that she should have not bang on the window, she could have just knocked the window gently. I told him that I agreed and that perhaps that auntie was very very upset so she banged the window. Later on he asked that if he was really upset, can he bang instead of knock? I was speechless. I told him no. He should try to react gently first. But I am aware how things can be different on the street. I was merely postponing the lesson on how to be streetwise.

Another scene was during the last fasting month when a group who called them selves “The Defenders of Islam” running riots, breaking and entering some clubs that had closed earlier during Ramadhan. They tossed down the table, rummaging the place, even beaten up an innocent by passers. These people were wearing religious symbol, symbol that my son perceived as a clothes to go to Mosque or to be worn during Idul Fitri. So again he asked why these people are so upset. To be honest, I didn’t have any answer to his questions as these people behavior also sickened me. So I simply change the channel with the hope that he would forget his question. And he did. Kids forget easily. But do they?

I don’t think so. I believe whatever we do is recorded in some way. Not in theological way (recorded by the angels, that’s what I mean) or technical way but also with other human around you. Younger generations most importantly. Isn’t that scary when you realized that whatever you do will impact people that you don’t even know, let alone that you intend them to see it as how things suppose to be done. I don’t think there are many of us who realized it. Nor care. Plus everybody has their own values. What is ok for you, may not be ok for me and vice versa. So how should we protect our kids from values that we think it’s not right according to us?

Back to my previous paragraph, the answer is to consistently giving them the right sample. Aren’t being parents great? You can’t be your self if your kids around. In another word, unless you are an angel, don’t expect your kid to be one. Who am I kidding? Who wants to have angelic kid? Well, I do. To be honest. But who am I anyway? All I can do is trying my best so all he recorded are the positive one from my side. Just like the j*rk in the beginning of this rambling.

Therefore, whenever I lost my patient over my kid, usually I count over 10 before I react. I keep on reminding my self, that my kid was only repeating what he saw from us (oh yes, I didn’t let my husband off the hook of my kid’s need-some-improvement behavior). Seeing his behavior is like seeing in a mirror. It represent of who we are and how he behave. Kids are our little recording machine so you’d better watch what you said and do around them. Ain’t life great?

In a one of so many trainings I attended to understand human (read : to make my life bearable) I was taught that we born with our own character and there are four main characters in human. They are : Dictator, Relater, Socializer and Thinker. Dictator is the opposite of Socializer and Thinker is the opposite of Relater. And due to the space limitation set by the editor (which is my self), I am not going to dwell too much about each of the character here. If I don’t obey my self, who will? Anyway…

It is a very good concept basically as it taught us on how to recognize people’s main character and adapt to it. It’s not about right or wrong or which character is better than the other as each of the character have their own strength and weaknesses. It is more to recognized and accepting people’s differences and how should we response to it. For example, it is not suggested to hire a thinker as a marketing staff. A thinker tends to be a detail and quiet person. They are excellence in fiddling with things and their persistency is outstanding. By nature, it will stress them more if they have to deal with a lot of people. Not that they can’t do it, but it will take more effort and energy for them to build their career in marketing. It’ll be like teaching the cat to swim. Possible but may result in fatality.

In my line of duty I found this course very useful in so many aspects i.e. to re-assign someone to a new post (to a more suitable position), to build a team and in recruiting new employee I could use it to asses whether the candidate will fit into the job they applied etc. It helps me also to foresee problems.. oops sorry…I mean, challenge that may arise.

For example, a group of dictator would create real challenge as everybody is trying to boss others around and nobody wants to take the lead. A group of socializer could also disastrous for they are often impatient and each of them starves for attention.

A group of mix character would be the best. The A Team and the Mission Impossible Team are one of the best example of a mix character. Too bad they are only a TV show. In reality most of the time, we can’t pick our team based on character. That’s why I don’t believe that there is one solid team without any hiccups. Hey even the A Team has their own hiccups!

In the personal side of it, it will also be beneficial in assessing your self and assess whether your job suits your character or not.. At least it made me understand why I am quite content in my job. As a mix between Relater and Socializer, Human Resources is one of the area that I will fit most. It suits my nosey and inquisitive mind. Ehm!

Back to the subject, what I found it most interested is that when the Trainer mentioned that in married life, people tend to choose their opposite character as their partner in life. I wonder why is that? And my wondering mind came to my own parents.

My late father, an ex-army who spent many years running a business, was a grim and solid person. Tall and proud was the way his staff pictured him. His silence did mean golden for he said less and his silence said more. On the other hand, my mother is a merry person. Being an assistant of a designer for many years, she lived a colorful lives. Most of her friends are either gay, or women who live a very lively life. They all are fussy, noisy basically…alive! I never understand what brought them together for my father was a quiet man and my mother is a very noisy woman. My father was very patient. My mother is a quick tempered. It’s like trying to mix the oil with the water.

Another example is a couple friends of mine who just got married. The man was an ex-life time playboy. He changed women as often as he changed his shirt (read : at least once a month). He lived a very free life and is known for having casual relationship. As free as a bird and was not easy to be tied down.

On the other hand, the woman was a nerd. A true bookworm.  A naïve person who thinks everybody is nice. A wonderful person who sees life as a good thing. Not that I see life as a bad thing or in a skeptical way. Realistic would be my phrase.

Anyhow, it came as a light shock when I heard that they are started to see each other seriously. I must admit that my first though that she will be his next victim. I was a bit upset with him first but yet both of them are my friends. Especially the man, he was one of our old dear friends who has become our family friends. It was not easy for me to get accustomed to his line of girls, really like them (oh they all were smart and wonderful women!) only to see them get dumped (or he being dumped first) or witness his betrayal. But yet, he is a good man for he was one of my husband’s best friend and also mine.

So when I received their wedding invitation, I was very happy and sort of relieved that my prejudice was proven incorrect. But that triggered my first question, what brought them together?

One of the Trainer explanation (among that God had brought them together – but I’d prefer to have more logical explanation on this matter) is the Opposite Attract. What is one’s weaknesses is the other’s strength so therefore they could fill each other’s weaknesses. One is imperfect, two they will make it. I’ve seen this happen with my own parents.

Quiet and silent as he was, my late father had a very soft heart. He was easy to move when he heard other’s misfortune and therefore, he was an easy target for the conmen! Fully aware of people’s tricky mind (for she has her own tricky mind), my mother could easily identify these scumbags and boy, she did chew them alive with her sharp tongue! What a perfect team.

Another friend of mine gave a more solid explanation. She is a church goers, he is a party goers. She said that what attracted her to her current boyfriend was their difference. She was bored with her quiet goody goody life and her boyfriend brought another atmosphere into her life. She never felt so alive before for her boyfriend always had a new idea on where to go and what to try. This week white water rafting, next week could be trying the new roller coaster in town. This month hiking, next month could be sailing. They are living the motto of Carpe Diem at fullest. When I met her last time, her used-to-be-always-home-never go out face was tanned very nicely. It had that kind of glow that warmed my heart. She is happy and enjoying the difference experience he brought.

And I guess that’s what life is. You will always want to see things that are different than your self. That what makes life more interesting. And now, if I heard someone (who is in the new relationship) said, “Oh we have so many similarities.” I tend to smile and said, “Oh that’s lovely.” and wondering whether they know what they might missed.

I went for my Company Team Building event last month. To tell you the truth, being quite skeptical in the beginning, the result turn out to be great. It activities varied from night jungle trekking (night jungle stumbling in the thorny bushes I would say!), team game as well as team work in overcoming physical obstacle and this include climbing 3 m height of wall, build your own raft and sail over the sea. In short, it’s very challenging and yet exhausting. I have never in life felt so out of shape and being a complete burden for my team but yet (despite all the bruises and aching muscle!) I was proud to be able to go through that and still remain intact.

One of the thing that impact me most was the was the Trust Force. It was when I had to climb up to ca. 1.5 m height of wall and fell my self backward. I would not hit the ground because my group will be there to catch me when I am fall. Easy, right? Not at all.

First of all, it was not an easy task at all to let your self fall. Nevertheless we must fall backwards. And as apparently many of the fallen people sometimes injured the catcher with their sudden panic, it is said that the organizer would bind both of our hands.

Second, it was not an easy task either to believe that your team will be able to catch you especially if you are not one of those petite size of person. I am not only so un-petite, I am gigantic! The floor will tremble beneath my step…ok, I exaggerate a bit here but basically I am not a person that you would like to fall on top of you as I could cause a quite serious damage with my weight. OK, stop feeling sorry for your self, Atkins diet…here I come!

Back to the topic, I had this funny feeling ever since I climbed up. I kept on saying to my self that the team have been successfully catching people a lot heavier than me but then my fear was creeping in, what if they got tired? What if they dropped me?
And when the instructor binds my hands I started to panic. And when I heard people started to tell me that it’s ok and that they are not going to drop me, panic was really seized me. The next thing I knew that the instructor gently pushed me and I dropped like a sack of potato.

The feeling (during the falling) was even weirder. No, it was not like the slow motion of Hollywood action movies, it was as if you flew against your will and yet you knew that you had not other choice. There was never in my life I felt so helpless and when I first feel (or hit to be précised) someone’s hands at the back of my self, I felt so relieved. Phiew. I am saved.

Later on the instructor informed us that the moral of the situation is you have to be able to give your trust. Trust to your staff that they can make the right decision (it is also called empowered). Trust to your manager that she or he will give you guidance and make sure that they will be there if you made mistake. Trust to your friends that they will listen to your problem and not going to repeat it to others. And nevertheless, trust your spouse that she or he will not be dishonest with you. Easy? Not at all.

To give your trust would mean that you are making your life fragile as you are setting up expectation. Giving trust meant that you open your heart to the possibility of being betrayed and therefore, being hurt. Wouldn’t it be easier not to trust anybody and therefore avoid your self being hurt? Perhaps. But then how would your life will be? You’d be so busy watching your back and restrain your self. You would end up checking your spouse mobile phone for suspicious text message or stalking your loved one looking for prove. Wouldn’t it be stressful?

I am not saying that you should blindly trust people or stranger. I am a firm believer of if he fools you once, it’s his fault but if he fools you twice, it’s your fault. My point is, being able to trust you should be able to justify whether the person deserve your trust. Don’t be naïve but be realistic for you have no other choice but to trust others.

To believe that people is good is a good start. In general, I would say that people is proud to be trusted and they will try to keep our trust for trust is an expensive thing. But you will also need to measure up to what point you should trust people. The closer you are the more relax you will be in giving your trust. You will start giving slack and therefore, your life will seems a lot easier because now you have someone to share your burden.

What if you trust proven failed? Well, people made mistake and people made wrong judgment. We are learning through our mistake. Some might be fatal, mostly I don’t think it will be fatal for human is not perfect and therefore can be quite tolerance towards unintentional mistake. And what is most important is there is no such thing that can not be amended. And that includes heartache.

I saw a dear of friend went through a painful divorce and recovered. She did not fear to have another relationship, and another until she feels ready to get married again. I found it truly amazing and I did admire her guts. She did not turn out to be a bitter or man hater person. She stayed as sweet as she was against all the troubles. I would say that her first husband did not deserve her and that she deserved someone better.

Back to my earlier case, what would happen if my team failed to catch me? Well, I would assume their hands would still slow down my fall. I would bump in the ground, of course. But softly. And it will leave no mark other than more of nasty bruises! One thing I know for sure it won’t stop me to try to take another fall. This time with a soft cushion beneath me, of course.

Does the man make the job or does the job makes the man?

I attended a course about human behavior about how should we fit someone into a job that suits their character. It’s very interesting. It said that people who has high social skill is best to be placed as a marketing, sales or any other job that needs a lot of b*ll sh*tting skills to be précised (like human resources for example? Ouch!). On the other hand, for those who has thinker type is best to be placed as analyst where they could sit quietly for an hours scrolling down number and do nothing but thinking.

This triggered my first question, does the man make the job or does the job make the man?

I’ll boldly put my self as an example. During my first days in the college, I have known from the start that I am not going to have a career in Finance. Impatient for one thing. And have terrible numeric skills in the IQ test was another reason. Accounting is just not my self. I have a cold shiver running down my spine just to think that I have to spend the rest of my life and earn my living by being an Accountant. Sorry my fellow Accountant, I just think that life as an Accountant is so d*mn boring!

A good friend of mine trying to cheer me up by saying that’s how things are in the college. They are very good in making it so dull so we’d be excited when we actually work as an Accountant. I couldn’t tell whether this has cheered me up or depressed me even more. Anyhow, during my last school year, I took a job as an Accountant in a foreign Embassy just for the sake of getting experience. All I can say that it confirmed my inner feeling and it motivates me to graduate sooner no matter how bad my grade is. Not to anybody surprise, I lasted only a year and a half as an Accountant. Once I graduated, I took a hike and never look back. Yikes! It’s just not so me. Sitting there and be miserable whilst the sun shines so beautifully over the green grass outside. Gosh. People do make fatal mistake, you know…

Anyhow, back to my first question, I noticed that you need to have special character to survive in a job. And what I mean by survive is genuinely like the job. Ever wonder why Accountant is such a bean counter? Most of the Accountants I met are very detail person at heart. I knew one Accountant who actually numbered her eggs in the fridge. She said that she did that only to keep track on how many eggs she or her maid eat everyday. Can you imagine anything more exciting than that? Anyway, that’s what they do. That’s the requirement of their job and they love it! But honestly (for the sake of my own safety), I admired their persistency and thoroughness. I really can’t imagine of living my life by counting other people’s money and actually enjoy it. Enough about Accountant!

And what about Engineers? Aren’t they a bunch of arrogant people who likes the most expensive thing in the world in the name of quality? Well, perhaps, that’s the requirement of their job too. Their job (reputation and credibility) relies on preciseness, job result and quality. And honestly, quality comes with price. It is one of the reasons why I am being laid back with my fellow pushy engineers.

But what about people who changes their character because of their new job? Politician for example. At first, weren’t they a bunch of people who tried to voice the people concern and therefore they are trusted to sit in the parliament? And what happened after they are there? I would say most of them has become those that they complained before. Sad but true. But perhaps ‘flexible to adapt’ was one of the basic requirement of a politician.

Another anomaly is also a change from a staff to a management. I had a long discussion with my boss once on how Corporate ‘buy’ people. Once you are in management position, your perspective changes. And your change of perspective affects your behavior. I’ve met people who were very nice and warm when they are staff and suddenly they are cold and keeping distance when they are part of the management. Or those who fought on behalf of the employee suddenly become very Corporate oriented. Up to this point, I asked my boss bluntly, “Are you going to change if you are part of the Management?” meaning: will you do whatever it takes to secure your position in the Company even though that would mean that you are going to “lie” to the Employees and the Government. It took him a while to answer, “No.” Well, in that case maybe, it needs a very strong personality to be on top and not change.

I believe people have their own unique character and their unique character will either support them in their job or will make them miserable. The only way to know this is you have to be honest with your self. What kind of person are you. If you are such a cheeky socializer, never think to become an Accountant. If you think that you are shy and deep thinker, never try to become a Sales Person. I am not going to say that if you are honest you should not be a Politician. U-uh, that would be too judgmental, but you are free to draw your own conclusion.

If you picked a job that does not suit your character, you still could survive of course, but you may not be happy with your job. And if you are not happy with your job, you won’t be able to give what is best within your talent.

If I was still an Accountant, I know I would not be happy. I’d be one of the Accountants who keep on making mistake and taking lunch time more than I should. I’d be one of the grumpy employee who constantly moaning about the Company. Thank God that I have came to my senses earlier and found something more suitable for my noisy nosey self. Ah!

Forest Gump believes that life is like a box of chocolate. You’ll never know what you’ll get.

For me, life is like a set of icon. We have ‘New Blank Document’ icon for a start of your new life (my romantic idea of starting something is new place where nobody knows about your past. Moving to a new company or to a new house for example), we have ‘Print Preview’ icon to re-think and evaluate something that we are going to say or present to somebody else, we have “Copy” icon to re-do things that we thought we’ve done successfully in the past but from all of these icons there are one icon that we don’t have. The “Undo” icon.

A dear colleague of mine once said, “I wish I had an “Undo” icon. I’ve said things I should not say and I did things I should not do. I wish I could have an “Undo” icon so I could start thing all over again.” My reply was what about “Erase” or “Overwrite” icon, meaning say sorry to person that you hurt so we could start all over again. But he said that is not the same thing. It happened. Although the other party forgave you, you have left a mark or even scar. Some are deep and can’t easily be amended. Forgive but not forget.

And there are some “mistakes” that you can not amend. Like a divorce for example. How can you explain to your child that separating your life from their father or mother is something that you need to do to amend your life. Wouldn’t it be just simplerer (is there such word?) to “Undo” your life, never marry this person thus never have to see your child going through the painful process of divorce?

Or…get caught when you are cheating on your partner for another example. If you are the betrayer, will you wish that you would remember to erase the text message from your lover so your spouse did not have a chance to read it. Or will you wish that you didn’t to go to that place and meet your spouse’s friends there? And if you are the betrayed one, will you wish that your friends will have no second doubt and tell you the truth or will you wish otherwise? Will you wish that you know earlier or will you wish that you won’t know at all? Will an “Undo” icon help you?

Or…letting someone do something and resulted in fatality. Won’t you wish that you’ll have this magic “Undo” icon so your loved one will never get hurt?

In these cases, maybe no. You don’t need “Undo” icon to avoid painful experience. Because life it self is a set of mistakes and I strongly believe that things happened for a reason. Undo-ing something would prevent something else to happen. Too matrix to understand, uh?

In regards to something more solid but lighter, shopping for example. I sincerely wish that I have this “Undo” icon. One day I got so upset to find the exact same blouse I bought in a department store near to my office with 40% price cheaper. I was fuming! Same brands, same fabrics, same color…argh! I swear that I will never buy anything in that over priced department store ever again! Whenever we went there I always indoctrinating my girlfriends not to buy anything. Even in the sale season, their price is still higher.

However, a minute after repeating the same line over and over and my girlfriends suddenly found excuses to separate them selves from me (not out of bored, I hope!), suddenly three pairs of cute pajamas came out of nowhere. Oooohh…those tiny pajamas with friendly looking little elephants, giraffes and ducks look extremely inviting and the price is discounted!! I could imagine my chubby little boy in them looking as delicious as Baskin & Robbins’s Rocky Road! I was just trying to pick the “rightest” color (is it the yellow or the blue sky colors?) suddenly my girlfriends appeared from thin air. If I had known them better I would have thought that they are witches apparating in front of me with the wickest grin. “I thought that you will never buy anything ever again from this department store” they teased me cruelly. Ah, never say never. I wish I could Undo my mantra to them and change it to something like, “Never buy anything here, unless it’s force majeur” like this time. Easy!

Or after stubbornly being adventurous and unfortunately the food I ordered is really…blah! And suddenly my husband’s food look so much delicious. Hunger maybe one of the reason. But I sincerely wish at those times that I have this “Undo” button so my dear husband won’t have to always swap his food with mine. I know, selfish! So stop it!

In general, I found that if you have optimized your “Print Preview” icon, you won’t need an “Undo” icon. And there were many icons you can use before “Print Preview”, there are “Spell Check”, “Thesaurus”, “Hyphenation”…these three at least will help you to avoid in making mistakes. And if after using these three tools you still can not determine whether this word is right (this morning I spent 5 minutes trying to find the correct spell of beaurocrazy – as you can see, still can’t!), drop it! The word may not be existed in other language. Or it may not right after all. Lets use other which is more simplerer (oops…still got this red line under this word!)

I would not recommend the usage of automatic correction though. One of my ex-colleague told me a story when one of his friend activated the automatic spell check and resulted that our company names (He**) changed into ‘Hell’. Yikes!

So now I am trying to develop a habit in using these three very useful icon, plus another ten minutes to read through it again before I hit the icon “Print”. Or if it is a heavy thing, I spent 30 minutes to re-read it. And if I can’t find the correct word, drop it. And don’t loose sleep over it. There are still many words you can use to convey your message. By doing that I minimized my needs to use the “Undo” icon and saving my own time.

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet.”

–From Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

I “kind of” disagreed with the above famous quote of Shakespeare. Can you imagine if rose is not named rose? Let say it is named ‘blah’, do you think people will still give this blah flowers for their loved one for Valentine’s Day? If you were the recipient, would you say, “Thanks dear, I love blah so much.” Nah…the scene is too peculiar even to imagine. So Thanks God the name is rose. It really suits it smell, colours and symbol. Not that I love rose, in fact I kind of dislike the smell. Once I cleaned up a bed that got full of roses petal simply to get rid of those damn and thorny flowers but that’s another story. My point is, of course a name mean something. I believe a name is also the best give a parent could give you. It contained their hope and pray and I believe, no parent will give a bad name to their child. But bad it self is a very subjective word.

Like my name for example. Growing in a non-english speaking environment had brought me lots of challenges in introducing my self. Misspelled, mispronounced, mistreated, I experienced them all until I work in a multi national environment. There I can breath more freely for most of the people able to spell, pronounce and appreciate its meaning. Shine. I really like my name. And I think I am living it. (Thanks Mom, thanks Dad, for giving me such a beautiful name. I love it!) And for the same romantic reason, even before I got married, I have decided that I am not going to change my last name. Complicated formalities changes was one of the minor reason but my main reason was I sincerely feel that I have became what I am is because of my parents. My husband, as great and fun loving creature as he is, is still an “end-user”. By keeping my Dad’s name behind mine, I feel that I appreciate the “engineer”. The person who made it happened.

On another story, a dear friend of mine told me a story that an old friend of her back in college was named ‘Marvellous Jelly’ by his parents. When I first heard it, my jaw is dropped and it remained where it was for a full one minute. What did his parent think when they gave him that name? I can think of one thing, at least…and it is not a nice one!

Well, maybe the above example was an extreme one. Another solid example is, I noticed that after the 911 tragedy, the visa process to the Western countries (US in particular) for man with Moslem named is more difficult. It took longer and sometimes even months to get it approved. If you can imagine that ‘Mohammed’ is a common name in Indonesia (as one of the biggest Moslem country – bear in mind, not Islam country) many businessmen can not travel there in time or should try to obtain their visa many months before. Maybe I am wrong, but is it a coincidence that to process visa to US for those with non-moslem’s name (or for married women) was easier?

Still in Indonesia, Indonesian - Chinese descendants are also having challenges in processing their formalities. To obtain passport they also must surrender a letter to prove that they are a citizen of Indonesia. Regardless the fact that they were born here, their parents were born here, their grandparents were born here and so did their great great grand parents and all their assets were here, the Government still ask them to surrender this letter. One of the irony was when a couple Indonesian badminton hero who is assigned to carry an Olympic torch is having difficulties in processing their Indonesian passports.

This kind of difficulties towards Indonesian – Chinese descendants has resulted in them changing their name. For example, those who came from family named ‘Tan’ is changing their family name into ‘Tanuwijaya’. Those who came from family named ‘Soe’ is changing their family name into ‘Soebrata’ or ‘Soemawijaya’. A colleague of mine rejected fierce fully when the Immigration Officer would like to issue passport under his Chinese name. He felt that it will be a threat for him. Although I feel saddened by this fact, I also could understand the reason behind is. Being an Indonesian – Chinese descendants, they are stereotyped as rich and minority people. And when you are rich and minority in a corrupt and developing country, it could lead to only one thing. Being ‘milked’.

Having seen all this, I decided that name is very important. Because your name showed you who you are, where you came from and at some points, your believe. Or at least, your parent’s believe. And all of this can either benefit you or failed you. It really depend on the situation and situation, is sometimes affected by decision made by some stupid and ignorant people.

I personally don’t ‘judge’ people based on their name, or their colour of skin, or their nationality. That’s why I said in the beginning that I “kind of” disagreed. Not completely disagreed. I just thought that when Shakespeare said the above quote, the world must be so much simplerer then. Well, maybe not. Otherwise Romeo & Juliet would not have to die just because one is Capulet and the other was Montague. And that’s why a name should have not be the base of how we judge people. Unfortunately, the world does not run that way.