I was at the end of day, ready for an afternoon meeting when I saw my friend accessing the test result. We both passed the first test. Yippie!!! Now we will need to schedule an interview as second test.

I am getting closer (again) in getting what I want. Isn’t life great?

I went through the admission test to my dreamed Business School yesterday. Together with hundreds other, which one of them is a very-positive-soul Offshorer who had become my friend for the past few months, we started a full day brain damaging tests. To show me his support on the beginning of a major step in my life, hubby bought me a set of pencil case, eraser, sharpened and also pen. Thank you, hubby, I love you.

It started at 08:15 am with psychometric test. I was “lucky” as the test was a bit similar with the test I went through when I joined the company a year a go. So I still remember some of the answer i.e. distance between Jakarta - Surabaya and some Indonesian wording which I didn’t know what then but I do know now (I still can’t imagine what mengetam is actually but nevermind). I think I managed okay.

But then came mental arithmetic and geometry, and I fell apart. I was sucks. My brain is so rusty I no longer could do manual divide. I didn’t know how to calculate 306/74 without an excel spreadsheet. I don’t know how many inch a feet is. I don’t remember formula for volumes. Let alone algebra and others discipline of math. Oh man. I barely could manage a smile, whereas my friend still manage to laugh. I hope I can be THAT positive and lighthearted.

After lunch, there came English. Which I mastered. So it lighten my heart a bit. Then came drawing test. Which is fine. No right and wrong answer. Personality test. Also no right and wrong answer. And then the never ending Paulie Test. Oh man. My brain’s endurance was really put to a test. And also my arms, and my shoulder. So when the Admission Officer blew the whistle, I felt like collapsing onto the floor. I was so relieved. It was 04:00 pm.

Anyway, here come the hardest part. Which is waiting for result. Pray for me, will you?

You don’t believe me? You think I am being cocky or too sure of my self? What if I tell you that I always get what I want. Will you believe me? No? Why? Cause there is no such thing? But I do. I always get what I want. And what if I don’t? Then I will keep on trying. I will keep on trying until I get it. Until I am satisfied with it. That’s the mantra of my life. That’s how I live my life. Once I want something, I will focus on that particular thing, and use all effort to get it. And it’s amazing. I even beats life sometimes. You don’t believe me? Ok, here are some examples:

1. On 1990, a Doctor told me that I will not live long. Due to my Systemic Lupus Erythematosus. I will only have 10% chance to live. I looked at him in wonder. I mean, don’t we all going to die someday? What’s new in the news? Ah, he is saying that I am not going to pass my 18th birthday. Oh really? Doesn’t he know who I am? So right after that, I focus my self to survive. To live. Whatever he told me, I followed. As the major cause of Lupus is stress, I learned to let go. I let go my good grades. I let go my appearance. I let go all the dreams, the engineering schools, the parties and the live of 17th years old girl. I have one objective, I have to live. And here I am. Alive and kicking. And boy, I could kick real hard if I have to. Ask my clients.

2. On 1997, things were very depressing in Indonesia. Professionally and personally. I broke up with my boyfriend again. So I want to work abroad. I started to widen my network. Until I found someone who can open a door for me. I met my potential employer. I flew to his country for orientation. And I got the job. I got the job as an expatriate when I was nearly 24. Funnily, once I got it, I lost interest. I have other thing that I want. I want my relationship to work. So I left that abroad job and start working on my relationship again. Things have been quite hot and cold with my boyfriend at that time. And I made up my mind, lets make it work. Lets make all effort, heart & mind to make it work. And it worked. And we got married.

3. On 2000, I was told that I will not be able to get pregnant. Ooookay. So I let go everything. Including contraceptive. And voila! Here I am with two healthy boys. Tee hee.

4. On 2007, things were very depressing in the office. Professionally and personally again. Long working hours. Long commuting time. Endless traveling. I was suffered. So I decided, I want to work in an Office close from home. So I started applying all possible companies close to my house. First interview was not too impressive. I was offered something that is not my passion. Second interview was like being offered a moon. So I grabbed it. I grabbed it and here I am. Doing things that I love. And got paid for it. Isn’t that great or what?

My point is, you should keep on trying. Like the Energizer bunny, keep going keep going keep going. Tried until its hurt. Even if we don’t get it, at least we knew that we’ve tried. Lets have some rest. And try again. Try differently. And it will happen. Believe me. You just need to want it so badly, get your self motivated, and do everything you can to achieve it.

Right now what I want is to have quality time with my family. So I keep on asking my self. What can I do to make you happy? How can I make the kids time more fun and yet educative. How can I make sure every word I said has an impact to them. How can I consistently lead with examples? How can I…in my limited time…make sure that my kids knew that even though I am not going to be around much, I have always -no, correction- I will always…always…hold them dear in my heart. I will not be gone long. I will be really busy only for 24 months. And after that, that’s all. I will be yours now and forever. I can assure you that. You don’t have to be lucky to have that because that’s what I will do.

I just returned from 24 hours trip to Batam and it was lovely. It’s always lovely to be able going out of the office and see some real Engineering work under the sun by the sea.

A very nice and yet bossy ..I mean…fatherly Offshore Manager invited me to come with him to Batam to have a site visit to McDermott fabrication yard to see our latest CPP development. The magnificent North Belut. It’s beautiful giant and its waiting to be sailed away by middle of next year. I don’t think I will ever stop marveling on how it works. How they put one deck over another like a stack of lego. Just like giant toy.

We arrived early in the morning, and soon we had two Apprentices took us around, showing us things. Impressive young lads! I barely could suppress a grin whilst my chest swelling with pride when the choleric Manager complimented them. Coming from him, it’s a big deal. And I am secretly pleased to see the OIM let them take the lead and answer question only when it was directed to him. The OIM deliberately exposed these Apprentices to the Manager and took a step back. Good OIM.

An hour later, after so much going up and down, I started to feel the safety shoes biting my legs. Aw shoot, I forgot to wear long socks! So I started to wobbling instead of walking and soon I was left behind. And sweat pouring out from every pores. It’s like a sauna. One of the Apprentice patiently waiting for me, making sure that this old lady did not fell on her bum. Thank God the site visit was about to end and there was cold water waiting for us at the office. I asked for band aid and hoping that it will not be recorded as First Aid Case.

I had 2 presentations afterwards. In which both of them went well. The Field Leaders took an active role in explaining the difficult subject. So it was good. We are going hand in hand and I am happy to see how relax they seem around their leaders. They threw jokes and we had good laugh, so it was good and satisfying!

At night, the kind hearted Manager who also a Padang’s food fans took me, the Apprentices and the Field Leaders for a dinner. We went to…Sederhana Padang Restaurant! Yay!! After pizza for lunch, Sederhana was like an oasis to me. Being the only female around, I got the honor to start first. Which was a mistake. Because I took rice so little as a start, and soon the rest of the gentlemen politely seemed to follow my portion. Which is a fatal flaw, because then the rice bowl was rested next to the Manager and whilst I shamelessly kept on adding, the rest of the gentlemen were not as thick skinned as I am. There was an awkward moment when they stop to think and I could sense the change in them…what the hell moment…and they are adding the rice as well…hahaha…altogether we nearly emptied the table and had a good laugh over our gluttony.

We then left to buy some local cookies for our friends in the office, and…at exactly 8 pm I have reached the hotel again. Somehow, it was managed that we returned at 8 pm when the boss said, “OK, it’s been a long day. We had to go reach the hotel at 8 pm so we can have proper rest.” No further discussion let alone offer for a karaoke. Moreover, an hour earlier than the normal curfew. It’s kinda out of habit for me to be back in the hotel so early when I traveled so I got teased by the guys but…ehm…I think I have learned my lesson well from my last trip in Batam so I’d better comply this time. So I obediently returned to my room and tended my blister feet. Not long after that, I snored the night away. So tired. It has been a one fine day.

One more day and my Idul Fitri holiday will be officially ended. I must say that as Mikhail hits 7 years old and Pascal hits 3.5 years old, they are quite ‘easy’ to manage. If you used to lead a gang of bandits in Tattooine, of course. But I do have a good time with them and for the past 2 weeks, they have managed to influence me to grow a new addiction to this. I found the epic is very romantic and I will always remember below dialogue:

From the moment I met you, all those years ago, a
day hasn’t gone by when I haven’t thought of you. And now
that I’m with you again, I’m in agony. The closer I get to
you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you
makes my stomach turn over - my mouth goes dry. I feel
dizzy. I can’t breathe. I’m haunted by the kiss you should
never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss
will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting
me. What can I do? I will do anything you ask…

Anakin Skywalker to Padme in Naboo Lake Rretreat, Lodge, Fireplace Alcove - Twilight.

A love so blind it made a person sold his soul to the darkness to save a loved one.

Now, if you excuse me, let me close my eyes and pretend that I am someplace else among the stars.

The first two days of Idul Fitri has officially ended yesterday. But the full stomach is still a little bit aching from over eating too many devilishly fingerlicking food. We had endless opor ayam, beef rendang, Padang fried chicken, dendeng balado, meat balls with noodles and also soto ayam. Not to mention to Idul Fitri typical home made snacks and cakes such as srikayo ketan, kaastengel, nastart, putri salju (snow white), cheese cakes, double chocolate cakes and many others. Yummy!

We started different ritual this year. Mika and Pascal are now big enough for hubby to take them for Ied praying. My youngest brother, who is going to get married next month, also went with them. I was told that it went pretty well. Pascal did drink bottle milk during the preach but altogether he behaved very good and follow the praying without a fuss.

And then we went to my Mom’s house for morning meals, then my Mother in Law’s house for noon meals. The day after, we went to my Mother in Law’s house again. This time to take my Mom and brothers to meet my Mother in Law. And we went to my Grandmother’s house as yesterday’s final destination.

As happened every year, we met with relatives whom we meet only once or twice a year. It was merry and wonderful and I took a lot of pictures this time. 10 years from now, I want to be able to look into these pictures and recall the big family we have.

Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fitri 1429 H