People said that when we have good neas and bad news, we should always started by giving good news first, hence the blow of bad news will not be as bad as it could have been. But for me this morning, no good news could soften the blow of Sharon’s passed away.

I never met Sharon. But for the past 8 years, she has been like a family I never met. It started when I joined the group when my Lupus flared again on 2000. I have just gotten married at that time and just lost my pregnancy due to Lupus flare. It was so devastating and I joined the group for support. Sharon was the one of the first members who reached out to me. Making sure that I am okay, my questions are answered, and my worried is dissappeared and along the years, she has became so close to me and my family, and act like an auntie for my sons. I sent her my sons’ picture and she edited and posted it in her website. Every Ramadhan, Eid, New Year and other Moslem’s celebration, she always sent me e-card. She never failed to do that unless she was bed ridden. When tsunami hit Indonesia, she was so worried and sent me e-mail constantly. Me and my constant busy-ness (have I ever not busy with my self??), I could check my personal e-mail only once per couple of months. And whenever I found her e-mail or e-card, they always warmed my heart. Knowing that somebody whom I never met (or even talk!) cared about me and that my existence meant to her. And I told her many things, shared many feelings and thought that I never shared with anyone before. It felt so save having her just across the globe and yet so close to the corner of my heart.

Therefore, when I found Sherry’s e-mail this morning about her departure on 19 Aug, I wept on my table. I knew that I am fasting and not suppose to cry but I cried anyway. I regret for not contacting her often enough. Not checking up on her, not even paying attention to her dissappearance. I just thought that she was bed ridden. I was so damn busy with my life. So damn busy with my commitment and I forgot my friend. So selfish, individualist and ignorance. And so I cried for Sharon this morning and for all the wonderful feeling she brought into my life. I am not sure whether I ever give her any of those feelings or whether my existence meant as good as her existence to me and I am so sorry that I never had the chance to return all of her kindness.

And what is the good news? I went to the lab to test my Lupus on Tuesday and went to the doctor yesterday and my Lupus is okay. I am in a good condition. Healthy. Alive and kicking. And I need only to be tested again 6 months from now. This good news doesn’t seem to good again this morning. It seemed so mundane and trivial.

Anyway, I need to collect my self. Farewell, dear friend…I hope God will give you the best place on His side. I will pray for you and the memory of you will always embedded in me. I will tell my sons one day, when they are big enough to understand, that you were like a fairy god mother to us. And that her life has touched so many life in my family. I love you, Sharon.