Without realising it, tomorrow will be the 30th day I am working in my new ‘home’. I had begun to see things that need to be tidied up sooner rather than later, things that can be improved and some of the dirts that had been swept under the rug. That’s what a home is for me. When you begun to see things that you would not see in the first place and you stay to make things better.

I miss my old friends terribly. I miss some most -my heart is still aching whenever I think about them- and there are some that I am glad to leave. I miss the afternoon coffee and seeing familiar faces in the corridor. I miss the luxurious surroundings. But I certainly do not miss the load and pressure. Tee hee.

But what relieve me most is no more never ending hours meeting. No more battling the traffic on my (very late) journey home. There are only few things on my plate. Although they are HUGE but the variety is less. Enough for me to chew properly one at a time. Enought for me to sip a drink once in a while. And enough for me to really enjoy every bite of it. And I will be helped. It is so relieving to be surrounded by experts. Knowing that everything is shared and discussed, and way to move forward had been thought through. I did not realise how much I appreciate this kind of quality until I feel how calm and focus I can be. I just realised that I have almost gone through a month without feeling depressed or suicidal at all. I am sure that there will be tough times ahead of me, but at least I know that help will always be there. And as long as you have tried your best, you will not be blamed. I have a beautiful life.

Happy birthday to me

My birthday celebration was kinda slipped into the family weekend hustle and bustle. I guess that’s what you will get when you are approaching mid 30 with two young boys. You suddenly find your self juggles too many balls and most of the times many of them slipped through your fingers. That’s how I felt on my birthday.

First, until few days before I completely forgot about my birthday. Hubby, knowing that I was such a birthday person, had commented how ignorant I was. He was right. My birthday suddenly did not feel too important for me to celebrate anyway. Maybe I finally am getting older.

Second, I got so hang up with my new job and life as a monster…I mean…mother! (warning: acute brain damage resulted in cognitive dysfunction). My excitement was kinda directed to my new job and not the fact that I will be a year older. I also pay more attention to family affairs, like how am I suppose to find time to bring my two boys to the barber to trim their spikey hair. How am I suppose to attend one of my best friend’s wedding whilst Mika still want to go Tae Kwon Do. How am I suppose to juggle to attend another wedding and host my birthday lunch. And how am I suppose to host a birthday lunch and whilst my kids had wanted to go to the amusement point.

The answer is to sacrifice one thing to get the other. I missed Mika tae kwon do lesson and spent 90 minutes in a taxi just to see my girlfriends. I missed having birthday lunch with my mother and brother to take the kids taking train and merry go round. Is it worth it? I believe so. My best friend does not always get married every year and I can always see my mother and brother at any time. But there are times when I wish that I could clone my self so I will have the time & energy to do whatever I want. I really wish I could.

After 9.5 years ‘marriage’, on Wednesday 31 Oct I finally and formally end it. Finish. The End. Period. It was heartbreaking. It took 2 lunches, 3 dinners and 1 karaoke to let out the emotional tension. Although it is my own choice to end this, I must admit that there are still few things that I love from my soon to be ex-husband. And he was very sweet in my last moments. He bought me flowers and made my place look like a mini garden. *sniff* But life must go on…

So on 1 Nov, I formally enter my new ‘house’ which is bigger and better. My first day was kinda blurry with faces of new people and me stumbling from work station to work station trying to keep up. My new ‘husband’ was very nice. He made sure that I was look after and always kept me company on my first day.

I lost Angelina but then I got Orlando which is bigger and heavier. Argh! I missed Angelina already! I had felt so comfortable with her slim body. And when I moved around her buttons, she really did flying. Orland is square-ey and it needs more pressure and more hands to get him moving. My fingers need to re-adjust to my new partner.

 I also got Bruce. I really am into threesome this time.

Other than my new ’sex’ partners, my new place is nicer and in the clear morning I can see the mountain in southern part of Jakarta. The food is endless and the distance is so much better. But the coffee is worse. Well, you can’t have it all. I am so happy. But I miss my siblings…. Oh well, life goes on.