A Psychologist friend of mine made comment that working in a Company is more or less the same as in marriage. I found some truth in it.

When you engaged into a marriage, usually you (well, at least I) had your expectation and objective set. Several key principles and boundaries would have been discussed and agreed prior to engagement. The similarity of this ‘merger’ (sort of) goes like this:

1) Employment Status: Full Time House Wife or keep your job (if you worked before) and be Part Time House Wife.

2) Compensation Package: If Full Time House Wife then your money is my money. If Part Time House Wife then my money is money and your money is my money too. Subject for both parties agreement.

3) Benefit: Do you have Home Ownership Program? Do you have Car Ownership Program? Insurance coverage? Tax deduction? Any other benefit that you can offer?

4) Result of merger/Production: How long should we wait before we stop using birth control. Are we ready?

For new employees, just like an eager newly weds, you are trying very hard to make things work. You adjust your self to the new environment and culture, do some self assesment, have your self assessed, communicate and compromise when you have problem and so on and so forth.

And also just like marriage, you have stakeholders to please to ensure the sustainable of your Company. You have your spouse (0f course!) to please, and you have a bunch of family and relatives to be paid attention to eventhough sometimes you don’t feel like you have the time and energy for that.

And exactly like marriage, you can sense when you have problem. You can’t see it but it’s there in your sub conscious to feel and sense. And when you realised it, you will try to solve it. You will bring everything to the table because it is your future at stake. You will include all parties that can offer help and/or advise solution. And when you evaluate everything and you still don’t think it would work, you will either take the next step or put your head on the sand and ignore the problem.

I will never be able to put my head on the sand. I found it insulting to my well being. My option will be to take another step.

Unlike marriage who will (and shall!) not wait until you found another potential spouse prior filing for divorce, in work life you may start looking for opportunity in other environment. To me, being a Full Time House Wife is not an option. Hubby specifically asked me not to take this path as he knew that it will stress me more and if I am stressed, I will stress the entire house (mostly hubby who will have to bear with me 24 hours a day - what an encouraging though. Har har). The 2 times 4 months maternity leave has proven this.

Therefore, before I create another unnecessary stress and highly potential domestic dispute again, I then start applying for job. However, the period of applying, interviewing and negotiating can be quite excruciating. I have to learn to be patient, persistent and in the same time keep my self motivated just in case things take longer than expected.

And that’s what currently I have been doing but God knows how difficult it is. One thing I kept on continue doing is to think that the result of what I do will always ‘follow’ me wherever I go and to leave a good reputation is important. That what kept me motivated enough to still striving for the excellence these days. And there is tiny hope in my that things will change for the better in my current ‘marriage’. That somehow miracle happens. But meanwhile, it is important to keep the moral high and the positive thought flow. I will not wait for other to change things for me.

However, I must admit that I feel so burnt out with the process. The supply of my positive thought seemed to diminish quicker than usual only to keep my moral high. And I got impatient. And stressed out. And depressed. And I started to buy things that I don’t really need (for the first time in my life, hubby started making comment about how much I spend on me and asked me to stop buying things).  And eat more than usual (O-oh!).

Then I read an article about being indifference. It’s an interesting concept. That you have to be able to be indifference just to keep your sanity. You have to be able to compartmentalized how you feel to survive. To have feeling or passion will not help you at this stage. All you have to do is continue doing what you are doing. Step back and think when you found obstacles. And in the same time, keep looking.

How’s that sound?