Didn’t I say that I love the holy month of Ramadhan? I love it not only because of the fasting (which by the way, really helped me in feeling fresh and fit all day) but also it bring back the memory of my childhood. It is a tradition in Indonesia (or perhaps only in Java?) that before Ramadhan, a family will visit the close family’s grave to pray for the deceased. A wife to a husband’s or the other way around. And a child to a parent’s. We’ve done that last Friday morning. Fortunately, both hubby and my fathers’ graves are in the same cemetary so we could do it in one time. We took my mother, Pascal and Mika to pray and pour some flowers. I like this tradition because it taught our children how to respect our elders. It also reminded me that someday I will be there too.

Anyway, visiting my Dad’s grave and fasting had always reminded me on my childhood.

 My Dad was a disciplinarian. Being a West Sumatran and spent his first years of adulthood in military had made him (to me) a serious looking and authorative figure. An obidient moslem and proud Indonesian. Strong willed and extremely disciplined. He was a heavy chain smokers. But when the Doctor told him to quit otherwise it will jeopardize his life, he quitted in one day. Snap. Just like that. Being a truly Padangese to the bones, he was a big eater. But when the Doctor told him to go on diet due to close stroke attack, he went on diet quietly. Never complained, just do it. Just like how he do his life after the military sent him to be a civilian.

My Mom told me that he never have credit card, because he does not believe in loan. If you really want to have something, you have to save your money. A true enemy of the banking system. My Mom also told us that he used to come to the office very early (although at that time we did not have this stupid 3 in 1 rule, heck…the traffic was not even this bad!) to read his morning newspaper and sip his black coffee and when the clock strike the 8, he folded his newspaper and started working. Now that I wrote it and thought about the ‘Life & Work Balance’ benefit and ‘Work by result, not by hours’ value my Company been promoting this sounds a bit silly. But in the old days, it was something that was admired.

He always told me that being late is a sin. It’s not only showing that you disrespect the other party, but it also shows lack of self discipline. At that time, our school hours started at 6:55 am. He always dropped us at school at 6:15 am. I was one of the first to come to school. Sometimes I even come together with the cleaning guy! Now I am proud to say that I have almost never been late in my self. Never. Unless for something beyond my control and I am not talking about traffic jam here. It’s already embedded in me that being late is an unforgivable sin. And that usually made me a bit hard to those who are not punctual.

During Ramadhan, I always remember him woke up very early. Whilst my Mom preparing the sahur breakfast, he cited Al-Qur’an. We then have sahur together and when we heard the alarm from the closest mosque informing us that it’s imsak (time when you have to start preparing not to eat and drink), he will told us to ‘put a will’. You see, a fasting (or any other God’s order) will not be counted if you did not do it willingly. So we have to ‘put a will’ or at least how my Dad put it. I usually then made a comical gesture in putting a spectacles in front of my eyes pretending that it was my will and made sound ‘ceklek!’. It was hillarious but apparently my Dad did not think so as he was frowning at me. But it never stopped me to keep on doing that every day of the Ramadhan. I love teasing him. Especially knowing that, being a daughter, he would not be able to be mad at me for long. You can ask any Sumatran how precious a daughter is compared to a son. A truly Matriarchal culture that places a very high value on woman.

He then usually cited Al-Qur’an again whilst waiting for Adzan Subuh. I still remember him clearly sitting in my Mom’s table, citing Al-Qur’an in his checker sarong and singlet. His voice was off key but I listened to him anyway. Well, maybe because at that time the TV did not have any programs that early so I had no choice. When Adzan Subuh was sounded, he then started to pray. Take a bath and go to the office. Same thing in the evening. After breaking the fast, he usually cited Al-Qur’an until Isya. Cited Al’Qur’an again before tarawih. His objective is 1 ain a day but he sometimes finished 3 - 5 ain a day as his main objective is to finish citing the whole Al-Qur’an during Ramadhan. I am not sure whether I will ever be able to compete with that.

My relationship with my Dad was not a bed of roses. There were times during my adulthood when I disagreed with him so fiercely, but in times like this, I usually miss him very much. I miss his values and I miss how his religious life. He truly believed that the only loan people should take is being alive. To be given a chance to live is a loan from Allah. He always told to save good deeds to payback our loan for the after life. Our life now is only to sip coffee. We will not have time to fold our newspaper when Allah called us. There will be no imsak as Allah could call you anytime and anywhere. Loan is due when loan is due.

I love you, Dad, my Allah bless your soul and give you forgiveness.