Didn’t I say that I love the holy month of Ramadhan? I love it not only because of the fasting (which by the way, really helped me in feeling fresh and fit all day) but also it bring back the memory of my childhood. It is a tradition in Indonesia (or perhaps only in Java?) that before Ramadhan, a family will visit the close family’s grave to pray for the deceased. A wife to a husband’s or the other way around. And a child to a parent’s. We’ve done that last Friday morning. Fortunately, both hubby and my fathers’ graves are in the same cemetary so we could do it in one time. We took my mother, Pascal and Mika to pray and pour some flowers. I like this tradition because it taught our children how to respect our elders. It also reminded me that someday I will be there too.

Anyway, visiting my Dad’s grave and fasting had always reminded me on my childhood.

 My Dad was a disciplinarian. Being a West Sumatran and spent his first years of adulthood in military had made him (to me) a serious looking and authorative figure. An obidient moslem and proud Indonesian. Strong willed and extremely disciplined. He was a heavy chain smokers. But when the Doctor told him to quit otherwise it will jeopardize his life, he quitted in one day. Snap. Just like that. Being a truly Padangese to the bones, he was a big eater. But when the Doctor told him to go on diet due to close stroke attack, he went on diet quietly. Never complained, just do it. Just like how he do his life after the military sent him to be a civilian.

My Mom told me that he never have credit card, because he does not believe in loan. If you really want to have something, you have to save your money. A true enemy of the banking system. My Mom also told us that he used to come to the office very early (although at that time we did not have this stupid 3 in 1 rule, heck…the traffic was not even this bad!) to read his morning newspaper and sip his black coffee and when the clock strike the 8, he folded his newspaper and started working. Now that I wrote it and thought about the ‘Life & Work Balance’ benefit and ‘Work by result, not by hours’ value my Company been promoting this sounds a bit silly. But in the old days, it was something that was admired.

He always told me that being late is a sin. It’s not only showing that you disrespect the other party, but it also shows lack of self discipline. At that time, our school hours started at 6:55 am. He always dropped us at school at 6:15 am. I was one of the first to come to school. Sometimes I even come together with the cleaning guy! Now I am proud to say that I have almost never been late in my self. Never. Unless for something beyond my control and I am not talking about traffic jam here. It’s already embedded in me that being late is an unforgivable sin. And that usually made me a bit hard to those who are not punctual.

During Ramadhan, I always remember him woke up very early. Whilst my Mom preparing the sahur breakfast, he cited Al-Qur’an. We then have sahur together and when we heard the alarm from the closest mosque informing us that it’s imsak (time when you have to start preparing not to eat and drink), he will told us to ‘put a will’. You see, a fasting (or any other God’s order) will not be counted if you did not do it willingly. So we have to ‘put a will’ or at least how my Dad put it. I usually then made a comical gesture in putting a spectacles in front of my eyes pretending that it was my will and made sound ‘ceklek!’. It was hillarious but apparently my Dad did not think so as he was frowning at me. But it never stopped me to keep on doing that every day of the Ramadhan. I love teasing him. Especially knowing that, being a daughter, he would not be able to be mad at me for long. You can ask any Sumatran how precious a daughter is compared to a son. A truly Matriarchal culture that places a very high value on woman.

He then usually cited Al-Qur’an again whilst waiting for Adzan Subuh. I still remember him clearly sitting in my Mom’s table, citing Al-Qur’an in his checker sarong and singlet. His voice was off key but I listened to him anyway. Well, maybe because at that time the TV did not have any programs that early so I had no choice. When Adzan Subuh was sounded, he then started to pray. Take a bath and go to the office. Same thing in the evening. After breaking the fast, he usually cited Al-Qur’an until Isya. Cited Al’Qur’an again before tarawih. His objective is 1 ain a day but he sometimes finished 3 - 5 ain a day as his main objective is to finish citing the whole Al-Qur’an during Ramadhan. I am not sure whether I will ever be able to compete with that.

My relationship with my Dad was not a bed of roses. There were times during my adulthood when I disagreed with him so fiercely, but in times like this, I usually miss him very much. I miss his values and I miss how his religious life. He truly believed that the only loan people should take is being alive. To be given a chance to live is a loan from Allah. He always told to save good deeds to payback our loan for the after life. Our life now is only to sip coffee. We will not have time to fold our newspaper when Allah called us. There will be no imsak as Allah could call you anytime and anywhere. Loan is due when loan is due.

I love you, Dad, my Allah bless your soul and give you forgiveness.

Today is my first day fasting in this holy month of Ramadhan. Well, first day fasting actually was yesterday but due to certain condition a woman experiences every month, today is my first day.

Like every year, I welcomed Ramadhan with happiness and stress. Happy because it’s Ramadhan. Meaning: you are getting a chance to redeem your self. To forgive and being forgiven. Not to mention that it is one of the biggest opportunity to detox your self and loose weight. Stress because the price of food will increase and mostly for me, because Idul Fitri just around the corner.

Yup, if many people welcomed Idul Fitri with happiness, I welcomed it with stress. Why? Well, for one thing, I have never been too fond of going from one relative’s house to another. Being one of the youngest in the family obliged us to do this. Although I have always liked going to my mother in law’s house and my grand mother’s house, the obligation of going to one house to another with 2 little kids was such a drag. It will be too tiring for them and it was challenging to maintain their routine schedule. It will be easier for Mika, but it will still be difficult for Pascal.

Other than that, no maid and baby sitters for 2 weeks! Arrgh! I need to find out where my kitchen is. But if you think that’s troublesome enough, the waiting period of not knowing whether they will return or not had always been the one who keep my adrenaline pumping. Deg deg-an euy. Lame, I know. But what can I say? I got so dependent on them. Maid, I do not really mind. But baby sitters or nannies are different thing. My kids had grown so attach to them and the adjustment period with new sitters (if the old one did not return) had always caused a tremendous stress to me.

Oh well, I still have a month to worry about it.

On the lighter note, I deeply madly in love with him. I spent most of my 2 weekends watching him and his team and also this. I must say that I still love the former one better. Not too many emotional drama. It was ‘dry’ and most of it are hard fact. My kind of movie. But the latter one provide me with endless pictures of war ships, fighter jet, submarines and man in the uniforms so I guess I can bear with some of the drama.

Due to another round of flu, hubby and I took both Mika and Pascal for physical therapy on Saturday morning. Fortunately Pascal’s favourite therapist, Pak Medi, was available. He is very good with kids. Always smile and very gentle. Pascal was giggling endlessly when Pak Medi massaged his back and made thump thump noice. Mika was sitting quietly sucking the benadryl through chicken’s hose (mask) in his mouth. The hose has chicken head on it. So cute! I wish I took his picture and show it to him when he grown up.

And due to the fact that Mika and Pascal’s hair has grown a bit bushy, we took them to see Tante Werda in Kiddy’s Cut on Sunday. Tante Werda is Mika’s favourite hair stylist. She’d been trimming Mika’s hair since he was 2 years old. She is a lovely and quiet woman. I guess that’s why Mika likes her so much. He never really like an overly chatty woman.

Pascal had been there 2-3 times before during his almost 18 months life. He had always cried before but yesterday he was very good. He sat in his yellow car watching Barney and playing with the steering wheel. I left him for a while (under Mika’s nanny supervision, of course) to buy some ice latte at Bakoel Koffie and when I returned…voila! That was him sitting nicely whilst Tante Werda trimming his hair. He even let her wash his hair whilst he laying on his back in the washing chair. Have his hair wash just like me! So cute! Tante Werda laughed silently so my little guy will not be distracted. And finally, Pascal pull up his head and slide down the chair.