Oh my, what I thought was going to be a 2.5 days usual business meeting turn out to be one of the most valuable experience in my life.

First, it was the ‘Shopping Race’ or a local Amazing Race that really excited the adventurous side of me. It made us taking the monorail, jumped into MRT, run around China Town and Central Market to collect pieces of jigsaw puzzle so we could accomplish our final task. Although it depend on running speed and thank God because of my recent London trip I now have a pair of trained feet, I could not help not to let my eyes wandering around in between running. I mean, I have been in KL many times before but the trip usually consist of airport-hotel-office-KLCC-office-hotel so it was not really memorable. But this time I was so amazed and want to memorized everything. A pair of chinese little red shoes (so cute!) dangling next to a stuffed baby crocodile (ew!), smell of chinese food being cooked in a small alley, some youngster trying to get to know my boss (who is a cute small bond english woman). What a start, ha?

Next day, we were asked to cut and patch pictures from magazines that represent our self. Hm? I never thought about that. I knew that I did a lot of self contemplation to the point of over analyze my self, but I never visualize it into symbol. So I carefully chose pictures of children (Mika & Pascal), man in safety equipment (hubby who have always been my saviour), wallet (financial independence), pink (favourite colour), books & under water world (hobby), capuccino with dollar sign (self explanatory), tables of movies (planning & scheduling), toll road (straight forwardness & infrastructure) and red brick house (travel). When we put it on the wall and viewed others pictures I gasped and marvelled at how different people perceived their life. My boss’s poster is very deep and philosophical. Others are quite clear and some are truly inspiring and I was curious why it was like that - I found out more about it later on.

We later on discuss about type of people. I surprisingly found my self more as an introvert as oppose to extrovert. Hmmm…sometimes the picture of my chattery self does not quite fit with that but upon careful look, I found out that although I ‘displayed’ my self as typical extrovert actually I am an introvert to the bones. All the sign is there, the self preservation, the need of privacy, the peculiar idea to observe others, the thought and the thinking, I felt it like is actually it was already stamped on my forehead I just did not see it. I simply forced to repress it as I was raised by an extrovert mother and being an only & eldest daughter (and therefore a family representative in most family function), I am expected to be an extrovert. So I did (and do) not have much choice then and now. But deep down inside, I knew that I never feel comfortable with this role. But I guess that’s a non negotiable obligation that came upon me so I learn to master it.

The last day session was the one that moved me so much. We were asked to draft a graphic of our life. As I drafted it I remember all my ups and down. Mostly my struggle with Lupus. And when I present it to the group, I was surprised to find the load of emotion built up inside me just speaking about it. I thought I have accepted it as part of me and it’s a subject that I should have found easy to share. A condition (I hate to call it an illness) that will limit my opportunity to enjoy the life as it fullest at some point but yet also something that impact my personality and character tremendously. It energized me and it made me accept life as continous blessing. But talking about it in front of a group of people with old memory flashed around like broken record was proven to be more difficult than I thought it would be. The dissappointment of being told not too study too much and therefore I must forget my goal to go to State University. The frustration of not able to have activity under the sun and all the restriction imposed to a (used to be a very active) teenage girl. Not to mention endless medicines, endless doctor visit, endless reading - bear in mind that it was in year 1990 there was not much literature about it and on top of it endless worried of not knowing what would happen. I remember clearly the feeling of worried my stomach churned when the doctor told me at the delicate age of 17 that from 10 Lupies, only 1 who will survive. So only 10% that will remain alive? Hmm…

It took quite a while for me to accept that my condition does not make me less special as a human being. I could die at anytime but so does everybody else, am I not correct? That’s what I keep on repeating to my self and I surprisingly feel better and I did get better.

The other thing that I marvelled so much from this session is that the realization that within my team, I am surrounded by so many strong and courageous people (mostly women). People who had experienced bad things in their life and yet they survived. Some of the experience was so bad -I must admit that I cried a lot during this session- but yet they felt comfortable enough to share how they made the best out of it. I felt so honoured to be among them. I guess it took a lot of courage and high level of trust to be able to do that. Compared to them, my problems seemed very trivial I felt so embarrased to even consider it as problem. We revealed our selves significantly so at the end of the day, we felt so much closer to each other. Target accomplished and I guess we understand each other better. Gosh, what a serious posting, I need a coffee.

Over and out.