In a one of so many trainings I attended to understand human (read : to make my life bearable) I was taught that we born with our own character and there are four main characters in human. They are : Dictator, Relater, Socializer and Thinker. Dictator is the opposite of Socializer and Thinker is the opposite of Relater. And due to the space limitation set by the editor (which is my self), I am not going to dwell too much about each of the character here. If I don’t obey my self, who will? Anyway…

It is a very good concept basically as it taught us on how to recognize people’s main character and adapt to it. It’s not about right or wrong or which character is better than the other as each of the character have their own strength and weaknesses. It is more to recognized and accepting people’s differences and how should we response to it. For example, it is not suggested to hire a thinker as a marketing staff. A thinker tends to be a detail and quiet person. They are excellence in fiddling with things and their persistency is outstanding. By nature, it will stress them more if they have to deal with a lot of people. Not that they can’t do it, but it will take more effort and energy for them to build their career in marketing. It’ll be like teaching the cat to swim. Possible but may result in fatality.

In my line of duty I found this course very useful in so many aspects i.e. to re-assign someone to a new post (to a more suitable position), to build a team and in recruiting new employee I could use it to asses whether the candidate will fit into the job they applied etc. It helps me also to foresee problems.. oops sorry…I mean, challenge that may arise.

For example, a group of dictator would create real challenge as everybody is trying to boss others around and nobody wants to take the lead. A group of socializer could also disastrous for they are often impatient and each of them starves for attention.

A group of mix character would be the best. The A Team and the Mission Impossible Team are one of the best example of a mix character. Too bad they are only a TV show. In reality most of the time, we can’t pick our team based on character. That’s why I don’t believe that there is one solid team without any hiccups. Hey even the A Team has their own hiccups!

In the personal side of it, it will also be beneficial in assessing your self and assess whether your job suits your character or not.. At least it made me understand why I am quite content in my job. As a mix between Relater and Socializer, Human Resources is one of the area that I will fit most. It suits my nosey and inquisitive mind. Ehm!

Back to the subject, what I found it most interested is that when the Trainer mentioned that in married life, people tend to choose their opposite character as their partner in life. I wonder why is that? And my wondering mind came to my own parents.

My late father, an ex-army who spent many years running a business, was a grim and solid person. Tall and proud was the way his staff pictured him. His silence did mean golden for he said less and his silence said more. On the other hand, my mother is a merry person. Being an assistant of a designer for many years, she lived a colorful lives. Most of her friends are either gay, or women who live a very lively life. They all are fussy, noisy basically…alive! I never understand what brought them together for my father was a quiet man and my mother is a very noisy woman. My father was very patient. My mother is a quick tempered. It’s like trying to mix the oil with the water.

Another example is a couple friends of mine who just got married. The man was an ex-life time playboy. He changed women as often as he changed his shirt (read : at least once a month). He lived a very free life and is known for having casual relationship. As free as a bird and was not easy to be tied down.

On the other hand, the woman was a nerd. A true bookworm.  A naïve person who thinks everybody is nice. A wonderful person who sees life as a good thing. Not that I see life as a bad thing or in a skeptical way. Realistic would be my phrase.

Anyhow, it came as a light shock when I heard that they are started to see each other seriously. I must admit that my first though that she will be his next victim. I was a bit upset with him first but yet both of them are my friends. Especially the man, he was one of our old dear friends who has become our family friends. It was not easy for me to get accustomed to his line of girls, really like them (oh they all were smart and wonderful women!) only to see them get dumped (or he being dumped first) or witness his betrayal. But yet, he is a good man for he was one of my husband’s best friend and also mine.

So when I received their wedding invitation, I was very happy and sort of relieved that my prejudice was proven incorrect. But that triggered my first question, what brought them together?

One of the Trainer explanation (among that God had brought them together – but I’d prefer to have more logical explanation on this matter) is the Opposite Attract. What is one’s weaknesses is the other’s strength so therefore they could fill each other’s weaknesses. One is imperfect, two they will make it. I’ve seen this happen with my own parents.

Quiet and silent as he was, my late father had a very soft heart. He was easy to move when he heard other’s misfortune and therefore, he was an easy target for the conmen! Fully aware of people’s tricky mind (for she has her own tricky mind), my mother could easily identify these scumbags and boy, she did chew them alive with her sharp tongue! What a perfect team.

Another friend of mine gave a more solid explanation. She is a church goers, he is a party goers. She said that what attracted her to her current boyfriend was their difference. She was bored with her quiet goody goody life and her boyfriend brought another atmosphere into her life. She never felt so alive before for her boyfriend always had a new idea on where to go and what to try. This week white water rafting, next week could be trying the new roller coaster in town. This month hiking, next month could be sailing. They are living the motto of Carpe Diem at fullest. When I met her last time, her used-to-be-always-home-never go out face was tanned very nicely. It had that kind of glow that warmed my heart. She is happy and enjoying the difference experience he brought.

And I guess that’s what life is. You will always want to see things that are different than your self. That what makes life more interesting. And now, if I heard someone (who is in the new relationship) said, “Oh we have so many similarities.” I tend to smile and said, “Oh that’s lovely.” and wondering whether they know what they might missed.