In a one of so many trainings I attended to understand human (read : to make my life bearable) I was taught that we born with our own character and there are four main characters in human. They are : Dictator, Relater, Socializer and Thinker. Dictator is the opposite of Socializer and Thinker is the opposite of Relater. And due to the space limitation set by the editor (which is my self), I am not going to dwell too much about each of the character here. If I don’t obey my self, who will? Anyway…

It is a very good concept basically as it taught us on how to recognize people’s main character and adapt to it. It’s not about right or wrong or which character is better than the other as each of the character have their own strength and weaknesses. It is more to recognized and accepting people’s differences and how should we response to it. For example, it is not suggested to hire a thinker as a marketing staff. A thinker tends to be a detail and quiet person. They are excellence in fiddling with things and their persistency is outstanding. By nature, it will stress them more if they have to deal with a lot of people. Not that they can’t do it, but it will take more effort and energy for them to build their career in marketing. It’ll be like teaching the cat to swim. Possible but may result in fatality.

In my line of duty I found this course very useful in so many aspects i.e. to re-assign someone to a new post (to a more suitable position), to build a team and in recruiting new employee I could use it to asses whether the candidate will fit into the job they applied etc. It helps me also to foresee problems.. oops sorry…I mean, challenge that may arise.

For example, a group of dictator would create real challenge as everybody is trying to boss others around and nobody wants to take the lead. A group of socializer could also disastrous for they are often impatient and each of them starves for attention.

A group of mix character would be the best. The A Team and the Mission Impossible Team are one of the best example of a mix character. Too bad they are only a TV show. In reality most of the time, we can’t pick our team based on character. That’s why I don’t believe that there is one solid team without any hiccups. Hey even the A Team has their own hiccups!

In the personal side of it, it will also be beneficial in assessing your self and assess whether your job suits your character or not.. At least it made me understand why I am quite content in my job. As a mix between Relater and Socializer, Human Resources is one of the area that I will fit most. It suits my nosey and inquisitive mind. Ehm!

Back to the subject, what I found it most interested is that when the Trainer mentioned that in married life, people tend to choose their opposite character as their partner in life. I wonder why is that? And my wondering mind came to my own parents.

My late father, an ex-army who spent many years running a business, was a grim and solid person. Tall and proud was the way his staff pictured him. His silence did mean golden for he said less and his silence said more. On the other hand, my mother is a merry person. Being an assistant of a designer for many years, she lived a colorful lives. Most of her friends are either gay, or women who live a very lively life. They all are fussy, noisy basically…alive! I never understand what brought them together for my father was a quiet man and my mother is a very noisy woman. My father was very patient. My mother is a quick tempered. It’s like trying to mix the oil with the water.

Another example is a couple friends of mine who just got married. The man was an ex-life time playboy. He changed women as often as he changed his shirt (read : at least once a month). He lived a very free life and is known for having casual relationship. As free as a bird and was not easy to be tied down.

On the other hand, the woman was a nerd. A true bookworm.  A naïve person who thinks everybody is nice. A wonderful person who sees life as a good thing. Not that I see life as a bad thing or in a skeptical way. Realistic would be my phrase.

Anyhow, it came as a light shock when I heard that they are started to see each other seriously. I must admit that my first though that she will be his next victim. I was a bit upset with him first but yet both of them are my friends. Especially the man, he was one of our old dear friends who has become our family friends. It was not easy for me to get accustomed to his line of girls, really like them (oh they all were smart and wonderful women!) only to see them get dumped (or he being dumped first) or witness his betrayal. But yet, he is a good man for he was one of my husband’s best friend and also mine.

So when I received their wedding invitation, I was very happy and sort of relieved that my prejudice was proven incorrect. But that triggered my first question, what brought them together?

One of the Trainer explanation (among that God had brought them together – but I’d prefer to have more logical explanation on this matter) is the Opposite Attract. What is one’s weaknesses is the other’s strength so therefore they could fill each other’s weaknesses. One is imperfect, two they will make it. I’ve seen this happen with my own parents.

Quiet and silent as he was, my late father had a very soft heart. He was easy to move when he heard other’s misfortune and therefore, he was an easy target for the conmen! Fully aware of people’s tricky mind (for she has her own tricky mind), my mother could easily identify these scumbags and boy, she did chew them alive with her sharp tongue! What a perfect team.

Another friend of mine gave a more solid explanation. She is a church goers, he is a party goers. She said that what attracted her to her current boyfriend was their difference. She was bored with her quiet goody goody life and her boyfriend brought another atmosphere into her life. She never felt so alive before for her boyfriend always had a new idea on where to go and what to try. This week white water rafting, next week could be trying the new roller coaster in town. This month hiking, next month could be sailing. They are living the motto of Carpe Diem at fullest. When I met her last time, her used-to-be-always-home-never go out face was tanned very nicely. It had that kind of glow that warmed my heart. She is happy and enjoying the difference experience he brought.

And I guess that’s what life is. You will always want to see things that are different than your self. That what makes life more interesting. And now, if I heard someone (who is in the new relationship) said, “Oh we have so many similarities.” I tend to smile and said, “Oh that’s lovely.” and wondering whether they know what they might missed.

I went for my Company Team Building event last month. To tell you the truth, being quite skeptical in the beginning, the result turn out to be great. It activities varied from night jungle trekking (night jungle stumbling in the thorny bushes I would say!), team game as well as team work in overcoming physical obstacle and this include climbing 3 m height of wall, build your own raft and sail over the sea. In short, it’s very challenging and yet exhausting. I have never in life felt so out of shape and being a complete burden for my team but yet (despite all the bruises and aching muscle!) I was proud to be able to go through that and still remain intact.

One of the thing that impact me most was the was the Trust Force. It was when I had to climb up to ca. 1.5 m height of wall and fell my self backward. I would not hit the ground because my group will be there to catch me when I am fall. Easy, right? Not at all.

First of all, it was not an easy task at all to let your self fall. Nevertheless we must fall backwards. And as apparently many of the fallen people sometimes injured the catcher with their sudden panic, it is said that the organizer would bind both of our hands.

Second, it was not an easy task either to believe that your team will be able to catch you especially if you are not one of those petite size of person. I am not only so un-petite, I am gigantic! The floor will tremble beneath my step…ok, I exaggerate a bit here but basically I am not a person that you would like to fall on top of you as I could cause a quite serious damage with my weight. OK, stop feeling sorry for your self, Atkins diet…here I come!

Back to the topic, I had this funny feeling ever since I climbed up. I kept on saying to my self that the team have been successfully catching people a lot heavier than me but then my fear was creeping in, what if they got tired? What if they dropped me?
And when the instructor binds my hands I started to panic. And when I heard people started to tell me that it’s ok and that they are not going to drop me, panic was really seized me. The next thing I knew that the instructor gently pushed me and I dropped like a sack of potato.

The feeling (during the falling) was even weirder. No, it was not like the slow motion of Hollywood action movies, it was as if you flew against your will and yet you knew that you had not other choice. There was never in my life I felt so helpless and when I first feel (or hit to be précised) someone’s hands at the back of my self, I felt so relieved. Phiew. I am saved.

Later on the instructor informed us that the moral of the situation is you have to be able to give your trust. Trust to your staff that they can make the right decision (it is also called empowered). Trust to your manager that she or he will give you guidance and make sure that they will be there if you made mistake. Trust to your friends that they will listen to your problem and not going to repeat it to others. And nevertheless, trust your spouse that she or he will not be dishonest with you. Easy? Not at all.

To give your trust would mean that you are making your life fragile as you are setting up expectation. Giving trust meant that you open your heart to the possibility of being betrayed and therefore, being hurt. Wouldn’t it be easier not to trust anybody and therefore avoid your self being hurt? Perhaps. But then how would your life will be? You’d be so busy watching your back and restrain your self. You would end up checking your spouse mobile phone for suspicious text message or stalking your loved one looking for prove. Wouldn’t it be stressful?

I am not saying that you should blindly trust people or stranger. I am a firm believer of if he fools you once, it’s his fault but if he fools you twice, it’s your fault. My point is, being able to trust you should be able to justify whether the person deserve your trust. Don’t be naïve but be realistic for you have no other choice but to trust others.

To believe that people is good is a good start. In general, I would say that people is proud to be trusted and they will try to keep our trust for trust is an expensive thing. But you will also need to measure up to what point you should trust people. The closer you are the more relax you will be in giving your trust. You will start giving slack and therefore, your life will seems a lot easier because now you have someone to share your burden.

What if you trust proven failed? Well, people made mistake and people made wrong judgment. We are learning through our mistake. Some might be fatal, mostly I don’t think it will be fatal for human is not perfect and therefore can be quite tolerance towards unintentional mistake. And what is most important is there is no such thing that can not be amended. And that includes heartache.

I saw a dear of friend went through a painful divorce and recovered. She did not fear to have another relationship, and another until she feels ready to get married again. I found it truly amazing and I did admire her guts. She did not turn out to be a bitter or man hater person. She stayed as sweet as she was against all the troubles. I would say that her first husband did not deserve her and that she deserved someone better.

Back to my earlier case, what would happen if my team failed to catch me? Well, I would assume their hands would still slow down my fall. I would bump in the ground, of course. But softly. And it will leave no mark other than more of nasty bruises! One thing I know for sure it won’t stop me to try to take another fall. This time with a soft cushion beneath me, of course.