I knew for quite sometimes that my 2 years 9 months boy Mika is having a crush with a little girl in his pre school. Abel was her name. For example, in the middle of totally unrelated conversation (which involved F1 racing or which one is his favorite Teletubbies: Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La La or Poo) he casually said, “I really like Abel, Mom. I really like her.” And with a smile I would say, “Sure son, she’s such a sweet little girl, isn’t she?” and he replied with a nod and said, “Yes. And she is beautiful and has a long hair.” Longer than him, that’s what he meant as this little girl has a lovely curly soft hair that hang above her shoulders. But I usually didn’t pay too much attention until one day his statement struck me in awe that was when he said, “I really like Abel, Mom, can we buy her in the Supermarket?” First come laughter then comes answer, “No son, you can’t buy a person in the Supermarket.” And he asked me, “Why not.” And I answer, “Well, the only way to buy a person’s heart is through being kind to that person.” Then he stayed silent, perhaps that was too much of an answer for a little boy who barely let anybody else hold him without a full 30 minutes visual assessment.

Later on that day, I pondered at his questions and understood his logic. My son used to get everything he wanted from a Supermarket. This ranges from milk, his favorite biscuits or an old Barney VCD. (Thank God, I’d better enjoy this moment before he moves his interest to Toys ‘R Us aisles.) So why couldn’t he get an Abel?

I secretly wish that life could be that simple. I wish that everything we wanted can be bought in a Supermarket. A relationship for example.

Being a full time employee and commuter I left home around 05.30 every morning. I usually arrive in the office at 06.15 to start my day. Thanks to the previous HR Manager, we now can work in flexible hours. This made me able to leave the office around 04.00 in the afternoon and (theoretically) to arrive home around 05.30 pm. I spent 12 hours a day being away from home and family. This is excluding some extra after office hours activity such as exercise, stop by at the Supermarket etc. Altogether I spent nearly 13 – 14 hours from home. And when I got home I usually could only spend around 1 – 2 hours of my son’s time before he dozed off.

On the other hand, my husband, who ran his own business from home, spent almost most of the time at home. He usually headed down to town only to meet clients, which is around 4 - 6 hours a day. Naturally my son has become closer to him than to my self. Don’t get me wrong, I sincerely think that this is a perfect arrangement. I love working. I enjoy the feeling of earning something and developing my self. And most of all, I like the Company where I am working and the people within the company especially within my team. Going to work is like going to meet a friend and I truly enjoy every minute I spent on it.

But nevertheless something about my son being closer to my husband than to my self bothered me. Bothered my ego, to be précised. I mean, hey, I was the one who carry him around for 9 months looking like a beached whale. I was the one who had to bear the pain of delivery, mood swing, baby blues syndrome and nurse him. I was the one who felt him kicking around my belly and between me and my husband, I was the one who saw him first. So how could he now is closer to my husband than to my self?

The answer come cold and clear, I don’t spend much time with him. Therefore, the relationship built is not as strong as the one he built with his father. I was not around during his day tantrums and I was not around to comfort him. I was not the one who took him to school and I was not the one who showed him new things in life. And no matter how much Barney VCD or Formula 1 car I gave him, that doesn’t change the fact that he is going to watch it or play with it with people other than my self. Strange, isn’t it? Isn’t the mother and child bonding should be unbreakable by anything and let alone, job?

I brought this up to my husband one day and his answer come simple and straight, “Why don’t you quit your job and spend more time at home.” I wish life could be that simple. I love the feeling of being financial independent and able to do everything I want to do. Would I trade it with being close to my son? I don’t know. I just wish there’s an easy answer to this question. Meanwhile, all I can do is spending as much time as possible with him and secretly wish that I can buy more time with him. In the Supermarket, maybe?

Anyway, thanks to Voting Day, I got the chance to stay home for 5 days in a row last week. I got the chance to take Mika to school and meet Abel. It’s truly heart warming; the moment Abel came on sight, my son look at her with puppy eyes. I asked him to talk to her and he refused. He then whispered to me, “Can we take her home with us?” I smiled and answer, “I don’t think so, son, her Mama would like to take her home with her.” My lovely son, I am sure he will understand one day that a relationship should be built through togetherness and there’s nothing instant about it. I do now.